The journey into loneliness

Ive been living on my own since January. I left my country to take up an employment opportunity overseas. To be frank, my home was as toxic as it get and my hometown was filled with violence so I know I'd never want to go back. The thing is, ive been really lonely as I feel like I don't fit in anywhere here. I have a hard time meeting people and making friends and consequently, my coworkers find me very odd and unappealing. I just don't find it easy to meet new people and tend to self isolate. Furthermore, ive never made it my point to get too closely with coworkers. I feel so dumb and like I really suck at this job and I know its a very new industry and it will need time but its very hard trying to stay motivated in a career you're not passionate about.

My life has been going to work, working out and repeat. The only person I truly get entrainment from is my past situationship. We reconnected and have been texting every now and then. The thing is, my feelings for her are still very strong and I'm really worried im gonna fall back down that old rabbit hole so im trying my best to not get reinvested but its really hard.

Ive been on dating sites trying to find genuine connections but ive lucked out it seems. Sometimes, I go to work even on public holidays because its like I'd be home doing nothing either ways. I try my best to keep active to give myself that extra dose of serotonin because I really dont want to fall back into deep depression because of all this loneliness.

All I do these days is look forward to the Christmas holidays where I can fly home to see my family.