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Reality just sucks !

If you ask me which place makes me most suffocated, I would say, that it would be my House.
Why? Cause this the only place where I get so judged that sometimes, I wanna jump somewhere off.
It makes me worthless and they destory even the thiny confidence I have left in my whole life.
No ones understand me in this real World how I feel, I hate fighting, I hate to be compared, I hate to change myself, I hate not be true with myself. I hate it, that no one understand me.
If my parents can't accpet how I'm, how do they expect other would like me.

Sure, I sit often in front of the computer why? Cause it didn't judge me, it didn't ask me and I can stare at long as I want.

True I 'm cold todwards everyone. Why, cause everything makes me sick.
True that i can't have a normal conversation with other why? Cause my parents, decides with whom I talk and how.

True I eat prefer to eat alone, cause everytime when I look at my opposite there is no one, who can says sweet words to me.

True I love books and other old and classic things? Why It gives me, the feeling to be at home.

True I daydream often, why ? It hinders me from jumping off some building.

True, everyone has their own problems and they are much more horrible then this, but what should I do for 26 years its a circle I can't escape.

All I do it, just to say, wait just wait, hold on longer one day everything will become better. One day, you can also find happiness, without wanting to destroy it.


sometimes, I wish I could despair to some Island and just sit there and stare into the wide ocean. Without feeling anything.
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1961dave · 61-69, M
I think all you can go yo keep your sanity is to save money towards a goal of getting out. If you do that the dream of gettting out can be sonething to take solace in.
Dorcell · 31-35, F
But where, that the question where should I do. I always lived in a Disciplined household.
My Life, was never mine. Even if I go out, I know I would surive but I would fall back. ... :(
1961dave · 61-69, M
@Dorcell: I'm sure you'd manage just fine. You'd have freedom from feeling like you do. You could make friends and do things, and when not doing things just relax at your place without anyone giving you Shit. In your present situation if you don't do it now maybe you should take walks possibly turn it into running. It's great exercise that should make you feel good, and you can be alone and think without being bothered.
FreeInterpretation · 46-50, F
@Dorcell: what he said. Do it now or you stay there and see your inner self disappear slowly without you realizing. Perhaps having some job in some other town?
1961dave · 61-69, M
@ Dorcell @FreeInterpretation: Yeah just knowing that you're working on it will help your frame of mind a lot for now. But yes don't just think about it, start working in it right away!
Dorcell · 31-35, F
@1961dave: @FreeInterpretation: I do work and yes I will move if I find a well-paid job, but the twist in this whole story is, that every time I try to get busy with work, I turn into a workaholic which is .....😞
1961dave · 61-69, M
@Dorcell: Yhat's not a bad thing it keeps your mind preoccupied and maybe you can get overtime and make more money.
Dorcell · 31-35, F
@1961dave: Not really, you only get Vacation.
1961dave · 61-69, M
@Dorcell: I realize that, but at least there's less time in the home environment for now. Hopefully you can save some money.