Don’t have anyone to talk to

I don’t have anyone to talk to. I am a great listener but have no one to talk to when things upset me. I don’t want a therapist so thank you for not suggesting one. I have a lot of friends but I’m not close enough to any of them to really open up and tell them what’s wrong. I have a husband but if I’m upset with him it starts an argument. My mom doesn’t want to hear about my problems because it upsets her. My dad has enough on his plate and usually ends with “I don’t know what to tell you”. My sisters live in other states and don’t have time to listen to my problems. And I’ve tried writing in a journal. I’m so upset all the time I’ve literally developed heart problems. I will never kill myself so I don’t want anyone to think that but I almost think it’s worse when I’m so depressed I end up isolating myself or shutting down. I end up not caring and that’s horrible. The realization of my selfishness makes it worse. I am my own worst critic.