do you ever feel like you have to always be sad to feel something?

I don't feel that way but for the past few years I've naturally felt sad about things. I've never ever been a super optimistic person but I've certainly become even less optimistic. I feel my regular drinking has contributed massively to my well being.

That all being said I've never lived through a major trauma so obviously for you that trauma has played a major part in your life.

I live in love with God and by faith. I am healed from my traumas even though I too relived them for a long time. But It made me stronger.

Kinda but you don't need to keep torturing yourself.

I’m sad regardless.