Why should i keep wanting to live without my spouse ?

Regret. Disbelief. We were together 23 yrs. She was even my best friend.

What stage of grief are you at or think your at... denial, anger, bereavement, depression, then lastly acceptance which your are definetitly not at yet. People can also go back and forth on these for a while. It doesn't just smoothly go from one to another. I have experienced grief badly also. I didn't have your particular health condition or took alcohol. However it did make my health go down hill so much and I barely went out. I am over it now but it took a while. I hope you get through it to.

Im not in denial because i know shes not coming back but im refusing to accept being alone. Ok, maybe im in "refusal of acceptance"