It is time for me to leave, and I promised someone here to give a reason why I am leaving when I do. So, here it is. My time here has been rocky for me. At first, I closed comments on all my posts out of fear. Then I opened comments, and it felt great to talk to other people. In my offline life, I rarely leave my home, and outside of my family, I don't talk to anyone. This has been the case for a long time. Being here gave me the confidence to go out with my kiddos and help them get their licenses. This was the first time I interacted with anyone outside my family in about 15 years. I thank the people here who gave me positive reactions on my posts( when they were closed) for that. :-)
When I opened my posts and started commenting on other people's posts a little, I started to feel happy. There are a few people I really enjoyed interacting with. I hope you know who you are. :-) However, I started to get more male attention than I was prepared, mentally, for. In the past ( due to severe childhood abuse), I found I lacked the ability to say "no" to male advances. This is what I am most ashamed of in the shame I carry from that childhood abuse. 😔
In order not to hurt my Husband, and to be right in Elohim's eyes, I have isolated myself from the world. I find myself in a similar position now. Although there isn't a specific person I am worried about not being able to say no to, there is enough male attention to make me realize this isn't going to end well if I stay. My Husband is not as emotionally available as I need him to be, and when a man outside my marriage is nice to me, kind to me, or supportive of me, I cling to that and soak it up like sunshine. Wow! This is hard to put out there. I feel this is starting to happen now, and I know I have to leave.😔
A huge part of me wants to stay and continue to soak up the caring I feel from a few people here, but I can't risk betraying my Husband again. I am a vey very lonely woman, and I want to thank everyone who was nice to me. It helped me more than anyone will ever know, and I will miss it.I will miss you with all my heart. I know this is more than what should be put out online, but I promised to say why I was leaving, and I always keep my promises.. 😔
Please try to be nice to each other here. You never know how much your kindness can help another, even the ones who act like they don't need. it.I can't close comments on this post because the hide option for my account isn't working. Thank you, SW support staff for trying ot fix this.:-) Please be kind if you comment, but no comments are needed.I will not be back until my 72 hour count down is over, and I can close my account, anyway.😔
I don't recall interacting with you but after reading your post, I see we are losing someone valuable, kind, and caring. I hate to see you leave, but it's so important to take care of yourself and you are very wise to do so, and in knowing your limitations. I do hope you'll come back sometime but only when you're ready. Much love to you. You sound like a wonderful person. God bless you. I pray God will give you the strength to get through this. It might help to just block those who you feel tempted by, when or if, you come back. Prayer is what will get you through this. He helps us when we don't have the strength.
My horrible childhood left me with PTSD. I get it. My husband is always there for me and he is the pillar my life has been built on.
My adoptive parents (after my biological hurt me) taught me how to deal with things. Daddy was a retired Marine and raised me like a boot ( new recruit) .
I am sorry to only meet you now as you are leaving… but maybe you will come back and we can chat. 😊
