*sigh* It's cold today...

Sometimes I think all the pain I've felt in my life is too small, but when I tell people about it they pity me and they feel pain for the child I used to be. They worry and sometimes they ask "How did you survive?"
Truth is, I don't know how. I think I was just living in auto pilot. They think I'm strong for that.
Other times, when it's cold outside, I think my mind remembers how cold my loneliness has always felt and it reminds me that i was too young when I learned that if I didn't show up for myself no one else was going to, and I get angry, and I understand why people pity me sometimes.
I like the cold, it feels familiar but I feel like I want to cry all the time and I've already run out of ways to hide my tears.