Thoughts on “attachment”??

As I’m meeting so many people lately who are usually gone from my life within a short period, I’m noticing a trend. Everyone keeps talking about not forming attachments. As if it’s some spiritual endeavor to not get close to others. I think it’s a cop out. I think people can’t form emotional bonds because they won’t deal with their feelings. I understand it’s hard to be a giver, I struggle with that big time. But humans aren’t built to do everything alone. It’s proven that we die early without connections and support.

In this age of needing to connect so desperately, why are we trying to convince ourselves that loving someone unconditionally is the prison? Love is the key, not the cage. Love can be healthy.

I just really don’t understand anymore 😆

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

There's a whole field of research on it known as "Attachment Theory" that postulates how the relationships we form in our youth serve as the archetype or the foundational basis for how we approach relationships in the future. Basically, how our parents and caregivers raised us lay the expectations for what to expect in other relationships.

My personal theory is that with the rise in households with 2 working parents, as well as the rise of TV and digital distractions, among other factors, people have had increasingly limited, infrequent, and intermittent contact with other people. There's a lack of stability in their past and current relationships and so they learn to expect a lack of stability in their future relationships.

At the core of it is just a fear of being hurt or ignored. People are social creatures that need others to thrive, but when people are so unreliable it becomes a common coping mechanism to stop relying on others. Some bounce from one partner to the other, some avoid relationships entirely, and others still get stuck in unfulfilling relations steeped in insecurity and poor communication.

A lot of people just don't have good models for what a stable, loving relationship is, so they settle for the next best thing