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Thoughts? Maybe I’m wrong….

So after his son living across the country in a van for eight months and not seeing him, I felt bad for my son’s dad. He was crying he missed him. When we got back I’d hoped he would actually do something with his son than sit around watching tv and bossing him. But that didn’t change one drop.

Last time he stayed and I picked him up, my exs Mom told him if he didn’t say goodbye to them he couldn’t stay the night. My son being eight and asserting himself, didn’t say bye. He doesn’t have to talk to his grandpa at all anyway because he’s such a jerk to him. My ex knows that.

So now he’s asked me to stay with his dad again for a night, so we call his dad. And he really won’t let him spend the night because of this rule his mom made up 😆 He said he can hang out with him while he works then I can come pick him up 😆 So great he can now ONLY watch you sit on your fat ass in front of a screen….

Isn’t that kinda dumb?

Isn’t that withholding love?

I’m taking my son to the water park instead.

Nevermind I’m tired and have shit to do, I’ll always stick up for my son. It’ll probably be what kills me because I never get a break.
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
This breaks my heart.
I just can't believe how many people squander their privilege to have children.
One night when I was visiting with my kids for the weekend at my house, they were getting all wild and stuff and I jokingly asked them if they acted like that at their mother's house. My oldest son stopped and looked me dead in the eye and said "no we don't act like this there because they don't play with us".
How can people treat children like a simple fixture.
My kids were the greatest gift I never thought I deserved to experience.
I just can't seem to get enough time around them.
My children were the brass ring. They validated my existence. I want to be surrounded by them eternally.
I am glad he has you to make his life fun and make him feel like he makes a difference. That is so important.
RebelFox · 36-40, F
@Dainbramadge Thank you for being an awesome dad
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
@RebelFox I wish more people saw their children like you do.
A gift. A privilege.
WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F
@Dainbramadge this is lovely
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I think it’s petty.wrong of the grandparents and it’s good you took him to go do something fun. It doesn’t really sounds like he’s welcomed/appreciated there anyway or a great environment. Water park sounds better.

At the same time I believe saying hello/goodbye is just good manners regardless of who the person is and to intentionally not say goodbye is quite rude, nit something to be encouraged as a form of asserting one’s autonomy. If he knows he’s being intentionally rude then… maybe it’s important that he understand the rudeness is why he wasn’t invited over. He’s old enough to start learning that all our choices have consequences.
RebelFox · 36-40, F
@WhateverWorks The reason I’m sticking to this one is because its a privilege that they even get to see him. My brave boy, at 8, faced his abuser and faces him every time he goes over there. He is not required to speak to his grandfather at all, that was made clear before my son ever went to his dads house again. His dad lives with his parents. They’ treat all their kids and grandkids like crap. Yelling and insulting. So no, I don’t care if he’s a little rude about their assertions. He’s been more than forgiving to see his dad. My son is polite to everyone but it’s not expected of him as a rule. He’s just sweet on his own. Fuck them.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
My point is that little kids don’t really make a distinction between it’s OK to be rude to these people because of ABCD grown-up logic, but not OK to be rude to other people. Nevertheless, I agree with you that the grandparents sound like they suck. All in all, the solution seems to be that has not let him be around dysfunctional people like that in general @RebelFox
SW-User
You're such an awesome Mom ...and he deserves a better Father
fun4us2b · M
The less time they spend together the better. Plan to keep each visit short and far apart, and maybe with a built in plan. Sounds harsh, but these guys are doing you and your son no good. Sorry you have to deal with this.
SW-User
Water park sounds like a better idea tbh
So the kids dad was crying? Or the kid?

Kid's want both parents and see through some shade of rose colored glasses.

If it's the Dad who was crying tell him to bad,
RebelFox · 36-40, F
@Justafantasy His dad was crying for him, but once we got back, he started right back up with being a lazy jerk.
@RebelFox I wouldn't worry to much about the Dad crying he's a big boy now. If it was the kid crying my opinion would differ
Natasha9696 · 26-30, F
You have to change your rhetoric. This isn’t going to kill you. This is what will keep you alive.
RebelFox · 36-40, F
@Natasha9696 I understand what you mean, but I could seriously use a week of extra sleep. Waking up every morning with a deficit gets hard.
Natasha9696 · 26-30, F
@RebelFox I can only imagine and I really hope things get better for you x
I am saddened and so sorry that your child's father is a turd.

Your fearless advocacy for him is really wonderful.

It's good that *you* are SOOOO loving, bc it helps make up for the gap represented by sad ol' dad.

It would not surprise me if the other gal were threatened by you and doesn't "get" you...pushing you and your son away/out is something which maintains her comfort zone.

But regardless of whether or not I'm right...that doesn't dry the tears of a little boy who wants his father to simply *be* that.
melbeacher · 61-69, M
That is terrible. Your Ex's mom sounds mean.
TheLordOfHell · 41-45
That poor kid. I hope the water park is a good distraction for him.
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RebelFox · 36-40, F
@WaryWitchWandering Thank you girl. I don’t have any support so I’m worried maybe I’m being ridiculous but it just seems really fucked up 😭 I feel so bad for my son
WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F
@RebelFox don’t feel bad, he has an awesome momma looking out for him
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