It's a wrong comfort

To just know that when things reach that point of messed up that I can just plan and ready myself for that day when I can go out on my own terms. I have a half plan of a motel, my favorite food, laxatives so when i do go out I won't crap myself, and just listen to lofi as I imagine of what could happen or just think. I do want to live but I'm broken and suicide in my mind is just a natural part because it's a comfort that I can leave on my own terms. But I do want to live.

If you or a friend of yours is having suicidal thoughts, please visit Suicide Crisis Help Lines if you need someone to talk to.

Top | New | Old

Gusman · 61-69, M

I was where you are several times.
I also wanted to live, just not the way I was living at that moment. 24 hours a day being miserable, alone and extremely sad.
One day I was so overwrought I decided to seek professional help. Made an appointment with a psychologist, after many, many months, maybe 5 years, I was able to see that I was worthy of living, I was worthy of love, I was worthy of respect, and I began to like myself again.
When I look back on those days, I ask myself, "Am I better off now than I was then"?
The answer is yes. I have a positive self-esteem; I like the person I have grown to be.
If you have received counselling and things did not change, try a different therapist.
Over the 5 years I was in therapy, I changed therapist 4 times until I found one who was right for me.
Persistence worked for me, maybe it will work for you.

Add a comment...