Suicide 28/02/2025
In a couple of days from now, it would officially have been a year since I almost end myself. And as I always say, the hardest part was not the feeling of wanting to end my life, but the fact that for the next 2 months, I regretted not doing it... Looking back now, I am happy I didn't. So much as changed for the better in my life, and if I had done it, ai wouldn't have experienced any of this, and life is just that, an experience, like going to Disneyland.
Tho I didn't do it, tho I am still alive... I always say "A part of me died that day" and it feels like I have been carrying it's corpse inside me ever since. It's dark, it's pain, it's anger, rage, rage, rage, rage... Just inside of me. And the scary part is it doesn't feel foren, it doesn't feel like "not me" so there is no desire to get ride of it, just really difficult to learn to live with it. If I ever do see a psychiatrist about it, I don't need them to help get rid of that side of me, cause how ever painful, dark and dead that part of me is... It's the purest version of myself, it's all my love, it's all my care, it's my childhood innocence, it's me.
Tho I didn't do it, tho I am still alive... I always say "A part of me died that day" and it feels like I have been carrying it's corpse inside me ever since. It's dark, it's pain, it's anger, rage, rage, rage, rage... Just inside of me. And the scary part is it doesn't feel foren, it doesn't feel like "not me" so there is no desire to get ride of it, just really difficult to learn to live with it. If I ever do see a psychiatrist about it, I don't need them to help get rid of that side of me, cause how ever painful, dark and dead that part of me is... It's the purest version of myself, it's all my love, it's all my care, it's my childhood innocence, it's me.
