Id do anything for a new life

The thoughts and exhaustion are so hard.

I have a list that I keep on my mirror. It started with only about three things and is now close to 50. They are not things that guilt me into staying like family, friends, or disappointing others. They are weird…watching the seasons change, the feel of the grass or sand under my feet, the smell of hamburgers on the outside grill, the sound of the owls I hear at night, waiting for a new book from my favorite author or the way I feel listening to my favorite bands.

Like I said, weird, seemingly insignificant things.

I wish I could say paths light up and become easier. It’s more like walking down a sidewalk with street lights…we can walk a while seeing ahead until one or two of the lights are out. But, even when we have to really strain our eyes and move forward feeling the uncertainty in the dark, there will be lights working further down.

I’m sorry the streetlights are out for you right now. Just know you are not alone and so many others struggle this path.

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

Phone a voluntary charity that specialises in those types of feelings, you’ll feel so much better.

Maybe try to stay away from the things that trigger you. I know it's easier said than done. because I know it too well

The first step in a new life is not killing yourself. Things do change, opportunities arise when you don't expect it. Keep talking it out. Things can become obvious that weren't before by doing that. Plus suicide hurts other people. You can even hurt people you didn't even know depending on how you do it.

Where did you end up?

I started a go fund me
https://gofund.me/bd6d9e8e

I would die with you too.