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being · 36-40, F
Hey ya there....:( sometimes life hit a bottom.. if you can see further, at the biggest curvature of life 🧬 .... it has its downs and it has its ups.. for years I wanted to kill myself. But it passed, I've given many battles. I still face the same enemy or you can call it a demon if you prefer, only that nowadays it's a smaller one. But that doesn't make it less intense, subtleties can be intensive too...
I believe it's the root of that rotten plant that was poisoning my mind's garden with suicide thoughts. It's a script, that's how I came to define it, that runs like "you are not wanted, you are not welcome, you are not loved" and like that it indicates that I must leave. So in the past I would follow these thoughts and take them to the edge, like I had to leave this earth because of how bad I was, a true abomination, a malady for the human kind!
Nowadays it's softer, I'm not believing the thoughts but they're still coming occasionally. They make me do things I notice. Leave a company of people maybe, leave a place. How I see it is as if they're a force that is keep on pushing and pushing me out someplace.
Have a look at the root of your situation. It might take some time and consistency over few months, especially when the suicidal thoughts arise. Try to unveil layer after layer until you get to the core of the negative belief... what is it for You that is making you think you're not deserving of a beautiful place on this earth and life.. I'm telling, whatever it is, know that it's a lie. It's a negative belief installed in you from outside conditions and circumstances, no baby or child is arriving in this life hating themselves, look at them, they're all so loving about themselves and life.
I'm truly sorry this is your reality. But you can change this.. it'll take sometime and you need to, I don't know how, but find a way to hold on during this time and until this long lasting storm will pass 💜 because I can only ensure you about one thing and that is, if you manage to hold on, it will pass......
I believe it's the root of that rotten plant that was poisoning my mind's garden with suicide thoughts. It's a script, that's how I came to define it, that runs like "you are not wanted, you are not welcome, you are not loved" and like that it indicates that I must leave. So in the past I would follow these thoughts and take them to the edge, like I had to leave this earth because of how bad I was, a true abomination, a malady for the human kind!
Nowadays it's softer, I'm not believing the thoughts but they're still coming occasionally. They make me do things I notice. Leave a company of people maybe, leave a place. How I see it is as if they're a force that is keep on pushing and pushing me out someplace.
Have a look at the root of your situation. It might take some time and consistency over few months, especially when the suicidal thoughts arise. Try to unveil layer after layer until you get to the core of the negative belief... what is it for You that is making you think you're not deserving of a beautiful place on this earth and life.. I'm telling, whatever it is, know that it's a lie. It's a negative belief installed in you from outside conditions and circumstances, no baby or child is arriving in this life hating themselves, look at them, they're all so loving about themselves and life.
I'm truly sorry this is your reality. But you can change this.. it'll take sometime and you need to, I don't know how, but find a way to hold on during this time and until this long lasting storm will pass 💜 because I can only ensure you about one thing and that is, if you manage to hold on, it will pass......