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Sometimes i want to end myself. [I Feel Suicidal]

There have been many events that have taken place these past few weeks some good, some very tragic and painful.

Suicide has been on my mind but that's a normal thing for me.

Suicide is always on my mind.

Sometimes it get really bad.
When it does I just sit on the floor rocking myself or lay there.
I dont move because if I do I feel I will try to end myself.

My last suicide attempt was 2 years ago.
I stopped using any kind of substance about 2 years ago.

I'm getting better but it's a slow process.
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I have a list on my mirror that lists every reason to stay alive. I read it every morning. It reads from the simple little things like sunrises to the darker like not wanting hubs to find me or having to identifying me. The list doesn’t always make me feel sunshine and rainbows, but it reminds me why I need to stay.