I Know Someone Who Committed Suicide

I know two people actually. Plus I have really come close. I have pills now - that I take when I start wanting to kill myself. I don't take them at all on my days off but I take them two or three times a day at work. My job is going to kill me, or drive me to kill me. I tried a depression group but it turned out to be senior citizens and that wasn't my scene plus they wanted to know my name and where I work and all kinds of personal information that could be used to harm me. Then they were all wondering why people don't come back. I must be pretty bad off, my son picked up on my suicidal thoughts without me saying anything. I must be acting crazier than usual.