I Pretend I'm Okay
I pretend i am okay all the time at work.
I love my job i really do.
Sometimes it is a struggle...
Today was my worst shift i've ever had and i've been at my place for almost a year now.
We were a person down so i had 5 other jobs to do as well as my primary job of front counter. I work in the ''fast food'' industry and i can normally handle lots of verbal abuse i get.
I was exhausted, agitated, on the point of breaking down but i kept smiling no matter what!
I was called every name you could think of but i was trying my best until a customer yelled at me like worthless trash and i finally broke down in front of a customer, i've never done that as i personally feel its a sign that i am not capable of my job.
But 2 hours worth of being yelled at non stop - can you blame me?
sadly it doesn't end there...
I spoke to a friend what other team members were up to and said that i was not happy about X, Y and Z. Another team member overheard me and spoke to the person in charge of the shift and twisted my words - so the person in charge calls me while i am on my way home to give be a bollocking.
i wanted to say something but my head told me ''don't bother, nothing good will happen if you stand your ground'' so i was just taking it and responding with ''Uh huh''.
then my friend calls me and tells me that i am not to be trusted. she didn't speak (which i fully understand why because this persons authority over us) and she just felt awful about everything that's happened to me.
i openly told her what today has done to me... i burst out into tears and admitted self harming to her. (i have NEVER openly said that to anyone before)
i told her i couldn't think of any way to cope and then i said i may leave this place as it's a repeat of my old workplace (i left due to bullying). So she's said to message her whenever i feel down - she has my back as much as i have hers!
i'm so happy i have her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i could go on and on but i will probably bore you.
thank you for reading this... i really needed to say something somewhere i felt safe.
I love my job i really do.
Sometimes it is a struggle...
Today was my worst shift i've ever had and i've been at my place for almost a year now.
We were a person down so i had 5 other jobs to do as well as my primary job of front counter. I work in the ''fast food'' industry and i can normally handle lots of verbal abuse i get.
I was exhausted, agitated, on the point of breaking down but i kept smiling no matter what!
I was called every name you could think of but i was trying my best until a customer yelled at me like worthless trash and i finally broke down in front of a customer, i've never done that as i personally feel its a sign that i am not capable of my job.
But 2 hours worth of being yelled at non stop - can you blame me?
sadly it doesn't end there...
I spoke to a friend what other team members were up to and said that i was not happy about X, Y and Z. Another team member overheard me and spoke to the person in charge of the shift and twisted my words - so the person in charge calls me while i am on my way home to give be a bollocking.
i wanted to say something but my head told me ''don't bother, nothing good will happen if you stand your ground'' so i was just taking it and responding with ''Uh huh''.
then my friend calls me and tells me that i am not to be trusted. she didn't speak (which i fully understand why because this persons authority over us) and she just felt awful about everything that's happened to me.
i openly told her what today has done to me... i burst out into tears and admitted self harming to her. (i have NEVER openly said that to anyone before)
i told her i couldn't think of any way to cope and then i said i may leave this place as it's a repeat of my old workplace (i left due to bullying). So she's said to message her whenever i feel down - she has my back as much as i have hers!
i'm so happy i have her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i could go on and on but i will probably bore you.
thank you for reading this... i really needed to say something somewhere i felt safe.
26-30, F
