Should I try to lie to myself?

My life would be immeasurably better if I still believed my wife REALLY loved me and liked me. I think I broke her though - I think the affair damaged her mentally - so she can or will only be so happy and no more. She refuses and has always refused the idea that therapy might help her. I would feel so much better - carry so much less weight - if I could change that perception or that insight. It would even be good for me if I changed the perception if it was lying to myself to do it - or is that wrong? If I feel it then it is my reality right? If I could change the way I think and feel even if it didn't change anything for her it would be my reality at that point. Should I be trying to do this because I feel like they have been so hurt by me for so long that they will not change? If I can somehow alter the way I think about the circumstance (which has happened for me) then I would be happier - even if my son and my wife were not. I wish I could do that.

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SW-User

turn to Jesus, it was my last option

Genieinabottle · 51-55, M

@SW-User I used to be close to God. I had to push away while I was having the affair because I knew it was wrong in a big way. I have not been able to restore that relationship since then. Listening to preaching makes me uneasy now - like I am not worthy, while I know that no one is ever worthy of God's grace. It makes no sense. I used to listen to preaching consistently in my car while on my commute and self help books too. I don't now.

SW-User

Oh, my brother. thank you for sharing. Maybe you wandered off far, but He is always beside you. You are right to feel uneasy... we are sinful men in the hands of a Holy God.

He doesn't hate you. He sees you. He wants to heal your marriage. He wants to spend time with you, you are His beloved son, she is His beloved daughter. You. Are. His. You are welcome in His presence and Welcome in His arms@Genieinabottle