I May Act Like I Am Not Sad When I Really Am Sad

lost the love of my life today but not actually today but today on friday night and we stopped talking for 2 days now ....so story begins we met online and was chatting for maybe about a month or less anyways i really fell in love with this man ...the first time in my life i ever felt this way bout anybody....i saw my whole life with this man my babies and him coming home and me being a wife and taking care of him ..taking his children to go see him at work i just saw everything with him in a flash of a millisecond ......then that bastard said we can only meet after 19 may cos his sister is getting married and he is so busy ....but i dont understand how busy he could have been when we had a public holiday the other day and he was off at home he could have met me then....bastard ...then i got angry with him cos he was confessing his feelings for me but still dont wanna meet...so i knew i was crazy about him and i really wanted to be with him and he was telling me that he wants to be with me also but thats just were we got stuck and we cant take it any further until we meet and he decides if he wants to date me ....so on that day he confessed his feelings fro me and then he disappeared for the whole day after that and i didnt know the electricity was off and his phone died....nevertheless i was really frustrated at the situation cos like i really wanted to be with him and i dont think he understood that and i was just really frustrated at him for not making more effort, he dont phone call video call only text and its hard to talk to someone like that. it was putting me in emotional turmoil so i lashed out at him and it just blew up into something so big and massive ... i did apologize after that and he didnt say anything he stopped talking so also stopped talking but i apologized so nicely i sent him songs and gifs everything and he didnt even respond and i left it ... but we never talk 2 days and i messaged him today and he never reply....so know i dont know if he is still interested in me or we are over and he will never talk to me again ...and im really sad cos i lost the love of my life ...and i told my mum but i pretended that i was all ok but i know in my life that i lost my love.....I pray and hope that he will contact me .... if he doesnt i just have to accept it and move on and focus on my career right now and try and get myself out of this country that is killing me and making me more frustrated than anything else.... and try and find my mr right again...sometimes i just think its better to commit suicide and die and end all this miserable suffering ......aaaaahh I miss my love my guppy the only man that gave me energy and never took energy from me