I Can't Sleep

Been staying up until 5, 6, sometimes 7 or 8 in the morning the last week and half or so. My anxiety is working hard to remind me of everything wrong in my life. The stress from my job, the uncertainty of finding a new career, the upcoming interview I have at corporate HQ, the weight I've been gaining from stress eating, remaining grafted to my futon when I should be working out, coming to this site for creative expression yet failing to write anything of substance, my inability to finish any project I start on, the books I have collecting dust, all my art projects stuck at square one, my excessive rent and debt and being unable to save any money, that parking ticket I still haven't paid, the new tires I need to buy, my disintegrating wardrobe and being unable to buy proper adult clothes, needing to get out more but being too tired, wanting to hike but caught in the rainy season, trying to give dating a shot but paralyzed by my failure to create an even remotely insightful bio, realizing that I'll have to eventually confess my lifetime of solitude to someone that can never relate, also realizing that I have almost no practice talking to people on a regular basis should I be so lucky, having to postpone that fantasy and deal with yet another year of lonely holidays, the high probability that I'll have to suffer an 18th straight birthday alone, the closing window I have to kill myself in a way I won't be found, not knowing whether or not to renew my lease that's almost at an end, all the brilliant epiphanies I've had and can no longer remember, wanting to call myself a poet but not having written a poem in nearly a year, always envisioning the kind of life I want to live and realizing how impossible it seems.

My mind is a tsunami of insecurities every night. I just want to sleep