I Have Insomnia

Something very troubling. I have felt to blame for my father's suicide. I was 5 months short of 4 years old when he killed himself. Before that event, the home was in turmoil. I've felt it was my demands as a child, my needs, that pushed him over the edge. So I grew up without a loving father too. Perhaps this is why I have the self esteem of a stone, where players make a bee line for me, and I cannot sleep well, have insomnia

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SW-User

So so sad to read this. Whatever his reasons - it was his choice and his alone. As a young child how could you appreciate it. He was clearly in a very dark place himself which is so sad he couldn't see a positive way out.

SW-User

@SW-User Thank you. It is sad... My father was indeed in a very dark place, and could not have been thinking about the terrible impact his suicide would have, not least on his daughter but his wife, my mother, too. Reverberated throughout his family and still does

SW-User

@SW-User I can imagine it does. Sadly the pain that it will cause others is not something they think of in those dark last days.

SW-User

@SW-User No, agreed