I Have Insomnia

Something very troubling. I have felt to blame for my father's suicide. I was 5 months short of 4 years old when he killed himself. Before that event, the home was in turmoil. I've felt it was my demands as a child, my needs, that pushed him over the edge. So I grew up without a loving father too. Perhaps this is why I have the self esteem of a stone, where players make a bee line for me, and I cannot sleep well, have insomnia

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beckychandler · F

If you mean you think your father was overwrought about the financial, emotional, etc. responsibilities of taking care of a child --that is a challenge that every father, rich and poor, has faced since Adam. If it was so daunting for this man to man up to his most important responsibility --the fault lies clearly with him and no one else.

SW-User

@beckychandler Thank you. It's affected all aspects of my life, including the men I chose, my self esteem. The loss and way he died have been catastrophic. Many thanks for what you say here about fathers, parenting