HikingMan · 56-60, M
I feel ya.
Best of luck going forward.
Peace
Best of luck going forward.
Peace
MyNameIsHurl · 46-50, F
Im with ya
OogieBoogie · F
Its VERY important to matter to yourself .
Psychologically, valuing your worth thru someone else puts the emotional responsibility on them.
....its called "anxious attachment".
It means whenever you feel down or worthless or insecure, you'll look to them to validate you.
Thing is, a "someone" won't stop your feelings of inadequacy - itll just mask it and make them responsible, (in your emotional reasoning).
You will still suffer anxiety, exhaustion and chronic stress over it... And potentially, (if not already), lead to being a people pleaser - which isn't a genuine expression of self.
This dynamic also leads to frustration and emotional exhaustion in said partner, in having to be your emotional crutch.
Which also isnt fair.
Im so sorry to be brutal and blunt, but ive listened to too many partners of people like you, and their frustrations at always having to lead, to support, listening to the negativity and continuously boulster their partners self esteem - it burns them out, turns them off, and just makes them feel like its all about their partner's needs, and not their own.
They emotionally shut themselves down and hide their own needs because its all too draining.
And people like me end up being the sounding board and safe place for them because they cant tell their overly emotionally dependent partner how tired they are of being "the strong one".
In short - its the old saying:
"If you can't love yourself, how can you love anyone else ? "
- coz really, you are loving them for what they do for you, not for who THEY are. 🤷♀
Im sorry, but to move forward within yourself, and future relationships, you NEED to be able to regulate your own feelings of self worth.
Been there myself.
Hard fucking lesson.
Long brutal road to realization.
...and a learnt lesson that the only people who want an emotionally frail person are narcissists. 🫤
So, (for you currently), its either:
- Emotionally wearing out relationships 😥
Or...
- be in emotionally abusive relationships😖
🤨
Orrrrrr ... you can grow, and :
- get used to your own company and become a whole person
- and once 'whole', become a person that can enter into an emotionally balanced relationship.💪
Read up on it, maybe seek professional help, and find out who you are inside and your own value as a decent, caring person.
I had to.
It sucked to face how insecure i was.
Its also not your fault - past relationships, (right down to your childhood), have curated your attachment style.
But you CAN reprogram it by rebuilding yourself.
Up and at 'em💪
Psychologically, valuing your worth thru someone else puts the emotional responsibility on them.
....its called "anxious attachment".
It means whenever you feel down or worthless or insecure, you'll look to them to validate you.
Thing is, a "someone" won't stop your feelings of inadequacy - itll just mask it and make them responsible, (in your emotional reasoning).
You will still suffer anxiety, exhaustion and chronic stress over it... And potentially, (if not already), lead to being a people pleaser - which isn't a genuine expression of self.
This dynamic also leads to frustration and emotional exhaustion in said partner, in having to be your emotional crutch.
Which also isnt fair.
Im so sorry to be brutal and blunt, but ive listened to too many partners of people like you, and their frustrations at always having to lead, to support, listening to the negativity and continuously boulster their partners self esteem - it burns them out, turns them off, and just makes them feel like its all about their partner's needs, and not their own.
They emotionally shut themselves down and hide their own needs because its all too draining.
And people like me end up being the sounding board and safe place for them because they cant tell their overly emotionally dependent partner how tired they are of being "the strong one".
In short - its the old saying:
"If you can't love yourself, how can you love anyone else ? "
- coz really, you are loving them for what they do for you, not for who THEY are. 🤷♀
Im sorry, but to move forward within yourself, and future relationships, you NEED to be able to regulate your own feelings of self worth.
Been there myself.
Hard fucking lesson.
Long brutal road to realization.
...and a learnt lesson that the only people who want an emotionally frail person are narcissists. 🫤
So, (for you currently), its either:
- Emotionally wearing out relationships 😥
Or...
- be in emotionally abusive relationships😖
🤨
Orrrrrr ... you can grow, and :
- get used to your own company and become a whole person
- and once 'whole', become a person that can enter into an emotionally balanced relationship.💪
Read up on it, maybe seek professional help, and find out who you are inside and your own value as a decent, caring person.
I had to.
It sucked to face how insecure i was.
Its also not your fault - past relationships, (right down to your childhood), have curated your attachment style.
But you CAN reprogram it by rebuilding yourself.
Up and at 'em💪
BuzzedLightyear · 61-69, M
I feel you. 👊
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
@Slavem And if I enjoy being alone??😷
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
@Slavem I am sure it works for you. Some of us like quiet to think things through..😷
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
Why dont we start with what you have to offer them??😷
