First, whiskey, now beer. Can't smoke . Can't fish or shoot, or ride, Haven't been able to go outside for more than a couple of hours. I can't take photographs. I can barely write.
Sold my favorite gun to a friend yesterday. Hell, who am i kidding, I'll never shoot it again.
What's left of me? My heart. My soul. 💓🙏 My words, forever captured within those that cherish in their hearts 💕
Called 911 and was taken to ER yesterday by ambulance? Pain so bad i couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't walk. They finally gave me some wicked drugs. Now on a decent, humane, pain management schedule that requires monitoring.
MRI scheduled for upcoming Wednesday . Maybe surgery sometime in September.
Peace be with you all, Live long, And prosper. But for now, Vaya con Dios.🤗❤️🙏😇
To Quote Poe; "Never Bet The Devil Your Head."'
When you've reached your limit, You're at the end of your rope, And you've absolutely reached rock bottom, And given up all hope, Your demons are winning, And there's no end in sight, You're exhausted from the struggle, And you've given up your fight,
It's there, At that very place and time, That you reach out for my help, And put your hand in mine. Let me pull you out of your deepest pit, Enough is enough, it's time you said, "THAT'S IT!"
You can't do it alone, And God knows you've tried, The doctor's can't help you, And all you want...Is to die. You're tired of the helplessness, You're totally fucking done, There's no fight left in you, Your demons have won.
I kiss you softly, and wipe your face of blood and tears, I tell you that I love you, And take away all your worries and Fears. I hold you tightly, vowing to never let you go, If you just take my help, my trust, We can beat this I know. To Hell with those demons! They can't challenge LOVE! I'll be you're Savior, If you just let me in, I'll never leave you, If you let me carry your sin.
-Montana.🥺
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I am sorry. I have seen a few people go through a loss of self when they are unable to do the things they once enjoyed. It must be incredibly hard. Mixed with the frustration and depression of being in pain and fighting for recovery must make it feel impossibly hard.
For anyone in such a situation, I would say: You are still the person who you are and will always be that. The people who know you will still remember you for who you are and that you enjoyed those things... but also now perhaps they see qualities that weren't in the spotlight before. There is a different kind of strength and patience in recovering from something debilitating and in the strength of adapting to a new normal. Empathy for yourself when you accept help. Perhaps They'll learn that it's ok to be frustrated and express it appropriately. They will see that and learn from it. You'll enjoy lesser hobbies or maybe learn something new. Or try new drinks. This makes you more of yourself....not less. People will learn more about you, not less. You are still shining as yourself even now. Even though it may not always feel that way.
