I am frustrated now

I was goal oriented person my family started forcing me to get married and at the end I gave up and asked them to find a groom now when I said this they started making lame excuses and blaming me that I am in hurry first they pushed me to this side now I am angry frustrated what should I do my goal orientation is destroyed i am in hell pain now and suicidal too and urge to selfharm has increased I am in hell pain I yell at my family now and them feel guilty and crying all day feeling worthless failure and in hell pain