I need help with something

Im gone too far beyond a psychiatrist to reach me on a spiritual basis . There's no getting through to me cause im not taking there word .
On a holy basis i don't know who can reach me cause over the pain im gone through mentally with situtions going on , on an ongoing for 12 years . Very painful situation which brings up a lot of resentments towards others , then resenting myself for leaving it happen to me constantly . Im not a fighting man , its not my morals i have but the pain is something savage , so i went on to religious beliefs that helped me , gave me faith , but still its to painful .
I be afraid at times im after living my life very fast and went tbrough pain that some people wouldn't go through in a 1000 lifetimes .
So im after loosing so much interest in life .
I witnessed too much . Im afraid id top myself soon .
My parents are elderly and if i do that i could take them out at the age they are .
Anyone relate to the thinking ?
Anyone relate to hard , abusive situations they had ?
Anyone got through hard times and not clinging to resentments.
Anyone stopped trusting everyone ?

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Penny · 46-50, F

for every bad thing thats happenned to you, how many good things are there? i think the trick is to focuson the good in life and try to downplay the bad. is there anything you are thankful for?

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

Hi Penny - Whats the good in life im very lost can you give examples cause im surrounded by sickness for the last 12 years and i never knew they were sick until they were trying to drag me down with them .@Penny

Penny · 46-50, F

@riseofthemachine well, do you have your arms and legs? your health? you have a computer, food on your table? it's easy to take things like that for granted. its easy to to be thankful fo rth egood in you rlife to instead of focusing on the negative all the time. that's really what drags people down. i dont know what kin dof traumatic stuff youre going through or have gone through but you can heal from it. it might take time and work but it's possible.

Driver2 · M

@Penny good way to look at it