Don't want to sleep

When I'm feeling fragile, I know as soon as I turn my devices off and the room is quiet my mind will take me straight to sadness, loneliness and anxiety. So instead I stay awake until I'm feeling sick, running and hiding from the inevitable. I really hate feeling this way. I miss my husband so much. I just wish life could go back to the way it used to be when I didn't fear what the future might hold.