Dear Daddy

Mom picked up your ashes today. It feels better that you’re home.

We’re going to pick out a flower arrangement from all of us tomorrow. I’m going to take mom to lunch and spend the afternoon with her.

I feel numb but can’t stop crying at the same time.

We pick up Reagan Monday. I miss his reagie hugs and snuggles. I hope he’s not driving you too crazy up there demanding you throw the ball ❤.

I just miss you so much, Daddy. Nothing feels real right now. You are my anchor. My voice of reason and calming words when I’m upset.

I’m so tired right now. Like no amount of sleep will cure it. It’s just been too much. Grandma, Aunt D, Brandon, my sweet Regan and now you. It’s like I can’t catch my breath this year before the next tragedy hits.

I need you now like I’ve never needed you before and I feel you with me but I need you. Here. Now. I want to call you or just drive over and I find myself forgetting so often and reaching for the phone.

I have to stop now. I have to stop writing now. I need to calm down.

I love you, Daddy.

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Heartlander · 80-89, M

The heartbreak of losing family and friends :(

My own dad lived to be 97 and his last years were here with us, a thousand miles from his beloved home town where we have a family tomb. He also died during a snowy winter and and after a local service I put his ashes in the trunk of my car, to be taken "home" in the spring for burial there. So for a few months, with his ashes in the trunk, it really felt like we were together in spirit, driving around like we often did together when he was alive, just enjoying one another's company. When alone I even found myself talking to him. Though unable to talk to me, I knew what he would say. We were close. Though those ashes have been put to final rest in the family tomb, I still find myself talking to him.

Give yourself a big hug.