Feeling broken

In October My mom lost her best friend, a woman I considered my aunt. , My grandmother died two weeks later. My parents are 78 and 79. My Dads diabetic and has always been. A few weeks after the funeral my dad devolved a cough. After a month his doctor finally sent him for tests and he had pretty sever pneumonia but they felt it was manageable, just after the 1st we rushed him to the ER, where he stayed for two months and is now home on hospice.

My dad is such an amazing vibrant wonderful man. He and my mom met when they were fifteen. Married at 18 and have been together now 63 years. They are the picture of what love and family mean. He has been such a light in my life. The grief counselor told me today that I need to make sure that if I have anything I need to resolve with my dad to say it to talk to him now but there’s nothing.

My Dad has been the best father, husband, brother, son. He loves people and he loves life. And he’s just a shell of himself now. He can’t move or even feed himself. My mom and I have to change, bathe and feed him and it is breaking my heart. I’m angry. And I have no one to be angry at. I’m angry that he’s suffering and there’s nothing I can do. I’m angry for his loss of dignity. I’m angry that my mom is losing the love of her life. I’m losing my Daddy. I can’t imagine a world without him. But I don’t want him to suffer anymore. This is so hard.