Feeling broken

In October My mom lost her best friend, a woman I considered my aunt. , My grandmother died two weeks later. My parents are 78 and 79. My Dads diabetic and has always been. A few weeks after the funeral my dad devolved a cough. After a month his doctor finally sent him for tests and he had pretty sever pneumonia but they felt it was manageable, just after the 1st we rushed him to the ER, where he stayed for two months and is now home on hospice.

My dad is such an amazing vibrant wonderful man. He and my mom met when they were fifteen. Married at 18 and have been together now 63 years. They are the picture of what love and family mean. He has been such a light in my life. The grief counselor told me today that I need to make sure that if I have anything I need to resolve with my dad to say it to talk to him now but there’s nothing.

My Dad has been the best father, husband, brother, son. He loves people and he loves life. And he’s just a shell of himself now. He can’t move or even feed himself. My mom and I have to change, bathe and feed him and it is breaking my heart. I’m angry. And I have no one to be angry at. I’m angry that he’s suffering and there’s nothing I can do. I’m angry for his loss of dignity. I’m angry that my mom is losing the love of her life. I’m losing my Daddy. I can’t imagine a world without him. But I don’t want him to suffer anymore. This is so hard.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Part of that eternal life we live after passing is the light that will glow in our children, our family and friends. We can see that glow in you and your dad is still alive. It will glow for years, until you too are old and gray, and to be passed onto others.

As sad as this may be, Hospice time is also a wonderful time to share your joy with your dad, a great time to celebrate his life while he himself can join the celebration and participate.

My wife is also in Hospice care at home
and has been bedridden for months with Parkinson’s and Lewy Body. Our daughter was here this long weekend and between tears we laughed and celebrated her enduring spirit. Joked over our clumsiness in caring for her with promises to do better. Hospice nurses have a bag of tools to ease the discomfort, morphine if it comes to that. The best tool though is engagement and to treat her as a person we love, even when she is unable to respond, even when she is asleep.

being · 36-40, F

Hey there...so sorry to hear all that...
Then hmmm life is like that. Nature is like that. Decay is part of who we are. We wouldn't know vibrance otherwise..
Sounds like he's lived a very fulfilling life and is continuing to do so.
What in your eyes seems like the loss of dignity, to me here looks like a chance to be shown care and love. It's hard, I can only imagine.. But hey, it sounds like full of love ❤ touching. Be there for as long as you can, as long as needed. Let's hope he will find some healing and relief.
Don't forget to show to yourself acts of care and to your mum too.
I'm always suggesting in such situations to get yourself a massage. If possible. It's helping you to take off the pressure you're taking and then be able to start again the coming day.
Or, could be a little hike in nature along with mum. My point is, and of course I don't know your situation, but to take little breaks from care taking so to take care of yourself.. and like that you're bringing new fresh energy to the deceased too.... All the best with your situation...
🤗

RubySoo · 56-60, F

I don't think anything i could say would truely give you any real comfort. I understand your anger and sadness.
It sounds your Dad has had a wonderful life, surrounded with love.
I lost my own Dad suddenly when I was 21. He was only 62. 21 years with him wasn't nearly enough. He didnt get to grow old, enjoy his retirement like he deserved. But he didnt suffer for months, years as many do. I lost my mum to dementia in her 80s, and that was horrid.
But... we cope and carry on for the people who are still here, who still need us, and because those we loose would want us to go forward being happy and fulfilled.
Sending love and strength to you and your family at this difficult time.
Make every minute you have together a good one. 🙂🤗