Streamofconsciousness · 31-35, T
This was upsetting to read. Unfortunately, when it comes to death, people often act in bizarre ways. I know a few people who also had family members put blame on them even though they didn't lift a finger to assist when the deceased family member was in the last stages of life. It is mind-blowing how erratic and illogical people behave when confronted with death. Regret and guilt fuel the unenlightened to place blame on whomever is easiest to target.
It’s admirable that you did what you did. I’m sure she was so happy to have you there for her day after day, giving her love and attention.
I understand how you feel, I took on guardianship and trusteeship of my mom, she had Alzheimer’s and my siblings had every chance to dispute my application in court. But they each chose not to. I couldn’t keep her at home with me, at the end of my time with her, she didn’t recognize me or my kids, her grandchildren, anymore. That broke our hearts. I had to put her into long term care, but we visited her often and she began to recognize us again. But, as it’s a cruel and degenerative disease, we began losing her again. She went blind, she could no longer walk on her own, and after about a year and a half, she passed. My niece, her alternate guardian, and I let her go last November. She got sick, for the second time in a week, she aspirated, and we couldn’t bear to see her suffer any longer. I tried, before she was deemed incapacitated by our family doctor, to have her complete a living will/personal directives and a will, but she refused. She did tell us she did not want to be kept alive like that but I couldn’t invoke anything without a conference with her doctor. That was the hardest thing I had to do. I called my siblings, but not one came. My niece was told by her sister that my siblings blamed me for “putting her away”, and spending all her money. Her money went to the facility, she needed 24 hour care. I helped by buying her clothes, toiletries, shoes, anything she needed. I would decorate her room, my daughter and niece would help. They visited rarely, and did not buy her much of anything. I didn’t care, she is my mom, and I was going to be there for her.
Her funeral was extremely stressful for me, I was still getting chemo and I had started radiation. I’m surprised, to be quite honest, that I didn’t get more sick than I already was.
I didn’t mean to highjack your story, but I just wanted you to know, I get it. I get all of it.
You have a good heart. Never lose that.
I understand how you feel, I took on guardianship and trusteeship of my mom, she had Alzheimer’s and my siblings had every chance to dispute my application in court. But they each chose not to. I couldn’t keep her at home with me, at the end of my time with her, she didn’t recognize me or my kids, her grandchildren, anymore. That broke our hearts. I had to put her into long term care, but we visited her often and she began to recognize us again. But, as it’s a cruel and degenerative disease, we began losing her again. She went blind, she could no longer walk on her own, and after about a year and a half, she passed. My niece, her alternate guardian, and I let her go last November. She got sick, for the second time in a week, she aspirated, and we couldn’t bear to see her suffer any longer. I tried, before she was deemed incapacitated by our family doctor, to have her complete a living will/personal directives and a will, but she refused. She did tell us she did not want to be kept alive like that but I couldn’t invoke anything without a conference with her doctor. That was the hardest thing I had to do. I called my siblings, but not one came. My niece was told by her sister that my siblings blamed me for “putting her away”, and spending all her money. Her money went to the facility, she needed 24 hour care. I helped by buying her clothes, toiletries, shoes, anything she needed. I would decorate her room, my daughter and niece would help. They visited rarely, and did not buy her much of anything. I didn’t care, she is my mom, and I was going to be there for her.
Her funeral was extremely stressful for me, I was still getting chemo and I had started radiation. I’m surprised, to be quite honest, that I didn’t get more sick than I already was.
I didn’t mean to highjack your story, but I just wanted you to know, I get it. I get all of it.
You have a good heart. Never lose that.
@Annii not hijacking at all and I’m glad you shared. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s so easy for everyone else to blame and project their feelings onto you with no responsibility for their own feelings and actions. The same people that were nowhere to be found during her illness. I get it - my grandma also aspirated- many times and each time created its own mini-emergency. If I’ve learned anything from that experience- it’s that you can really see someone’s true character during stressful and arduous times and once you see their true colors- don’t ever forget it. You did the right thing, even when no one was watching. Going forward I truly believe good things will always come your way because of it.
You’re very kind. Thank you. I’m still messed up from the chemo drugs, and dealing with the side effects like neuropathy- I bought a cane today. I never thought I’d ever need one. Life’s a struggle but I’ve been through worse, as have you. Look for the angels, they’re headed your way. 🙏🏼❤️@DecafD
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
Carazaa · F
People all deal with grief differently! The stages are 1. Denial/ shock 2.anger
3. Bargaining 4.. Depression 5.acceptance and it’s cyclical but the cycles get fewer and less severe with time.
Sometimes the road is long and I hope they will come to acceptance one day I hope!
You are amazing to have cared and done so much for your grandma! Try to forgive your family for their jealousy and anger!
3. Bargaining 4.. Depression 5.acceptance and it’s cyclical but the cycles get fewer and less severe with time.
Sometimes the road is long and I hope they will come to acceptance one day I hope!
You are amazing to have cared and done so much for your grandma! Try to forgive your family for their jealousy and anger!
assemblingaknob · 31-35, F
YoMomma ·
No offense but i don't see how you could have taken care of her if you were working all night.. and if you did take her finances to yourself, how could they not blame you? But sometimes people just want to blame someone else because they cant face reality for what it is
And i always considered DNRs a cold hearted death wish .. maybe they just wanna act innocent and you're their scapegoat
And i always considered DNRs a cold hearted death wish .. maybe they just wanna act innocent and you're their scapegoat
@YoMomma yeah scapegoat is a good word for it. It was easier to find a hospice worker to stay the night vs during the day bc they’re in higher demand for other homes so I took night shift so I could have the day with her, plus she’s less maintenance in the evening. This means I was there in the day and rotated with a hospice nurse in the evening. By taking on her finances I didn’t mean that I took her money- it means whatever bills she owed for healthcare and medication- I took care of it. She really didn’t have any money bc she gave it all to her son years ago.
Fauxmyope2 · 31-35, F