What anxiety is like and some stuff that helps

If I didn't journal and put my thoughts down on paper I'd go crazy!. Myself and my partner have had constant illness for the last two years. Me with a variety of things. I don't seem to get a break between issues and that's making my anxiety worse too. So I write everything down in a journal to clear my head. I also listen to positive affirmations and do a short ten minute meditation each morning. I need something to help my severe morning anxiety. I worry far too much it's like a vicious cycle. I worry about a task or situation. About what I might say or do wrong and what else I think could go wrong. I obssessively practice what I am going to say and picture the situation and all the things that could go wrong. Then I do the thing/situation. After I usually have a panic attack and a meltdown. I panic that I didn't handle it well and have obsessive thoughts about this. Then I plan in my head how to handle it next time. Then the next thing/situation comes along and I do all of this again. It's awful living like this every day and worrying that every illness is something serious and everything I do I handle badly or will have a bad outcome. I am in a constant state of distress and some days I don't want to do this anymore. I don't mean I'm suicidal or anything like that, I just want it to stop. I do get better days but it's always there under the surface bullying me.