Tired of life

@Gusman I have such bad experiences with therapy and it’s expensive. One thing that helped was talking to AI about it but once again, they tightened up the guardrails and you can’t discuss it anymore. I guess because people were using AI as a counselor. I don’t know. My therapist hates AI but talking to her sucks. I know she’d judge me. She says we don’t have to get into childhood trauma day 1 and then keeps trying to shove me out. Like I need someone to be patient with me not give up. Just is what it is really.

"Just is what it is really."
But you are suffering misery almost every day. Can your doctor get you into free or reduced-price therapy?
I do not know what the health system is like where you are. Here is Australia one can access a Mental Health Treatment Plan.
There are therapists who "Bulk Bill". The bill is paid for by the government.
Medicare gives up to a 66% rebate for services. A $150 fee will be reimbursed $101.
There are government funded community programs and depending on your situation and location, a doctor can bypass private psychologists entirely and refer you to free, government-subsidized local programs.
From what I can gather, US health care really is the pits. I am sorry that this is the case. So many people lead excruciatingly painful lives.