I have seen you write about this before and I am glad your open about the feelings and thoughts and aware enough to not act on them.
I know some people, not you, that do it for the attention.
But I give each one just as much attention as if they were in danger of doing something bad.
You just never know who you can help with a shared experience.
I have horrid depression but not the suicidal kind any more.
One thing that helped huge lately was vitimine D3.
Turns out that people where I live don't get much sun because the weather is more over cast than clear. That in turn helps make depression more common and worse.
I guess the sun takes calcium and turns it into D3 and that makes us happy. :-)
Also, while we are talking about it, I don't know if you are being seen professionally, but there is no need to suffer this much. There, even tho it comes with it's own problems, tons of medication to help. There is no shame in taking meds.
Like I say, I don't know if that applies here but I treat all the same when it comes to this topic.
Hope something there could help.
