How can you stop People pleasing?

I just read a quote online that says in order to build self confidence, we need to stop self doubt, stop trying to be perfect, and stop People pleasing. HOW do you stop trying to please others? I've done it for YeARS, it is just absolutely a default for me. Think of others first was engrained in me very young. (or else I was selfish, or a 'bitch'). How can you stop actually people pleasing, I often wonder???????

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

swirlie · 31-35

Did you not understand what I wrote to you in response to your question?

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@swirlie I hearted it, which means I did understand. :) I do slightly disagree that one is incapable of giving to others or helping them, if they don't put themselves first. I never have put myself first, but constantly gave love, kindness, gifts, etc. to people all my life. However, It pays a DEAR price... b/c now I am very very burned OUT .. so now, I truly feel I can't give much anymore. (Especially emotionally). I really need to get it through my head that I matter, that is the key. I was taught every day of my life, that I didn't matter and was told, I had no 'right' to a voice, or to anything. It truly warped my mind over time, and yielded near ZERO esteem. My own parent once threatened to kill me, so this is the type of toxic identification I have, that I should barely even exist. So, you become a slave to hoping others don't immediately sense or somethow ALSO think you are worthless. (I'm finally seeing, it was their horrible Narcissism, which is incurable, that is to blame , Not that I AM worthless. )

swirlie · 31-35

@Coralmist
Okay, I never knew that a push of the heart button means that someone understood what I wrote. Thanks for bringing clarity to my otherwise lack of understanding of what all the buttons are for on this website. Why am I always the last one to know the meaning of these little things I wonder?