How can you stop People pleasing?

I just read a quote online that says in order to build self confidence, we need to stop self doubt, stop trying to be perfect, and stop People pleasing. HOW do you stop trying to please others? I've done it for YeARS, it is just absolutely a default for me. Think of others first was engrained in me very young. (or else I was selfish, or a 'bitch'). How can you stop actually people pleasing, I often wonder???????

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DragonFruit · 70-79, M

The problem with that reasoning is that it's encouraging you to be selfish. Being selfish isn't always bad, but making a habit of it is.

The problem with "people pleasing" is that you can go out of your way to please others to the point that you can be obsessed with pleasing others. Being thoughtful and considering how your actions will affect others is a positive, but neglecting your own needs in order to do what you can for others is not.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@DragonFruit So maybe a happy medium... like instead of me thinking I ALWAYS need to smile at someone, or make them happy to accept me, maybe only Occasionally I will. And I don't think I'd ever be able to just stop pleasing others, cold turkey, and become selfish. But maybe, I can ease up on it, as it burns me out emotionally. Thank you Dragon.

DragonFruit · 70-79, M

@Coralmist Yes, a happy medium....don't become uncaring about others, but make sure to take some time for yourself as well.