I've been having an anxiety attack for the past four + days.

My wife and I met in 1990. We started dating in '94. We've been living together since '95. We've been married since '00. We had our twins in '01, one of whom was born with some birth defects which have rendered him helplessly disabled. Up til now, we've both been providing his ongoing care and it's been a struggle for me, being a combat veteran with PTSD. It's certainly rearranged my whole lifestyle and has cost me relationships with friends and family. I really don't know how single parents handle the responsibility.

Back in February 2020, my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. In 2022, my other son (twin B) moved out to be closer to his college campus. He's since moved again to be with people he's compatible with. He's only 25 miles away but he's only been home once. He's been a big help with his brother while he lived here. Losing him was a noticeable difference. His brother is constantly asking about him and all his friends who all recognized him when he would speak up in their online conversations.

I've been caring for both my wife and my son with my wife doing what she can when she can, but it's getting to be less and less which is understandable. I feel like i have been living in limbo for over 3 years , trying not to focus on what's next. I've been experiencing bouts of hyperventilation these past 4+ days when reality rattles my chain.

Even if we had no kids, i would still be freaking out at the thought of losing my wife. She knows me better than anyone else on the planet and i have come to rely on her for many things. We are a team. She's also a great mother. Idk how much longer she's got. I don't think she's got much longer and I'm not ready to be without her and care for our son all by myself.

I definitely don't want to be one of those people who identifies myself by the tragic events that I've endured/survived. I also don't want to be checked on by anyone but i don't think there's any getting around that. I am my son's only lifeline and my lifeline is going away. Shit! Here I go again..

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elafina · 36-40, F

Thank you for sharing.
Let aside these thoughts about being the type who identifies with tragic events. You're in the middle of the hurricanes it seems, there's no space for these thoughts, i believe they only bring extra guilt right now.

Do you have any friends or family? The best would be to find ways to take breaks.
I understand it's not easy, but even 5 or 10 minutes walking around your building block would help clear your accumulated luggage at this point.

Lean on to music. Take it as a medicine, find music that you like and listen to, morning and evening.
Make it a point to add healing processes within your day. Watching the sunrise or sunset is simple and greatly therapeutic.

Do a bit of exercise. Ten minutes of some basic pushups, situps and stretches.

And most importantly, although just by writing this it seems you're doing it already, but I'll say it anyways, allow yourself to feel your feelings.
It's really hard. I'm sorry..
Try to pray a little. I pray sometimes, without believing in any particular god. 🌷

GuyWithOpinions · 31-35, M

@elafina this is what im doing today. Thank you.

elafina · 36-40, F

@GuyWithOpinions 🫂💜

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Perfectly understandable why you should feel this way.
You've had more than your fair share of weight on your shoulders and worry rarely subsides.

I suspect your Son stays away because he finds home life difficult to cope with.
But in the back of his mind he knows what he needs to do.
I suspect he'll come around eventually.

Cancer is cr@p ! No two ways about it.
Are you getting help from those who should be giving it ?
Doctors; Social workers; cancer care specialist Nurses; church; local charity ?
Some of these folks have specialised skills and connections to things you could make use of.
Make a noise ! It's far harder for people to ignore you if you're making a noise !

What's the situation with your Son ? Is he getting everything he needs medically speaking ?
Does he have understanding of what's happening to Mom ?
There are many good charities who offer counseling services at all levels of understanding.
Make a noise !

And what's the score with your PTSD ?
Are you getting treatment ?
Lots of good military charity groups out there.
Make a noise !!!

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

I'm so sorry. Sending love and peace your way.

I can tell you, that you will make it 🖤 it hurts and it's going to hurt. I am my son's only lifeline and I have no one. It's been that way about six years now. If you have friends, I know it's hard to not block them out, but please accept some help. It's easy to isolate yourself when you have no one to rely on and all the responsibility is on you. Even if you have to call on your other son, anyone that loves or cares about you will become crucial to avoiding being overwhelmed by anxiety.

I lost everyone. I used to be a really happy person but since I do everything on my own now, I'm crumbling. I fear for my son if anything happened to me he would have no one.

Take care of yourself 🖤

in10RjFox · M

I do not know where you are, but you need to be in a place that offers good human support for the three of you, as your other son is independent and can manage on his own. Think of moving to a country like Thailand or India where you get good medical facilities and domestic support.

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