There's a lot going on there, or in your life, home in on trying to remedy one thing, then move onto the next

Having that kind of anxiety and paranoia is more common than you think. The only advice that I can give you right now is to keep your eyes and ears open. They are plenty of people like me and you about to notice how they help themselves. I mean, of course, there are self help books and people who went through stuff. Sit down and be open to their experiences first. It isn't easy but pulling oneself out of the hole is the first thing to do. The hole is that you think that you're nothing at all. You are precious enough so make yourself feel that way too. I've been in counseling too. Only this week I told my boss that. You think that a librarian in her 50s would be feeling any better, wouldn't you? Or that people would be any more caring or thoughtful when ones gets older, etc. It's really an up hill struggle but anyone can do it. Just needs you to keep having hope :-)

When you tried therapy was it with one person or did you try a variety of therapists who practice different techniques ?

Sometimes medicating can add to the negative feelings and needs to be tweeked to fit your needs and body

if you remember the state of consciousness you would like to be in, then take the time to generate that state

Sounds like the meds need adjusting or you need something different.

This is so real tbh.

DM me for some relief

Everyone is a nobody. The nobodies are just honest about it

I'm fairly sure a lot of people feel the way you do. It's part of the pressures of being an adult settling in and feeling like you've never been properly prepared for it.

I know I feel like a burden often enough. I don't have the paranoia, but I'm constantly feeling stressed and not good enough at work. I hate to bother people, so actually finding and meeting friends in person is super difficult. It's not all the same as your situation, but enough rhymes that I can least say that what you are feeling is not that abnormal.