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The anti-sexual path part 2

I’m going to just use this title concept whenever I want to discuss something but I need people to know it’s coming from someone who experienced CAS but ended up anti-sexual/touch. The hypersexuals and people who don’t have sexual trauma I feel ruin the vibe of my posts.

Something I learned that helped me with sex is to not think about the act as I’m doing it.

I think this confuses people but it might help the other anti-sexuals out there.

When I think about what I’m doing I freak out, feel gross. To me, sex was always shameful because I didn’t have body autonomy in my childhood (my abuse was not one off, my cousin who is 11 years older abused me). What men did to me was never a choice and something I despised.

So when I don’t think, and only focus on how I feel in the moment, I can actually have sex and enjoy it.
skybubble20 · 56-60, F
Now I can understand what you meant..
It is good that you can open up about it and enjoy life..🤗
Through this kind of explaining we can understand each other better, right?

I got molested by 3 men when I was young and once in elementary school by my homeroom teacher.
After that I can't see myself alone with Korean men, it gives me goosebumps on my skin.
It was a mental scar but I got over it after I left Korea.
Lucky that I met a patient, kind loving man while in the UK and I was old fashioned believing keep virginity until wedding day... which I did.
@skybubble20 I’m glad you found someone safe. ❤️
The whole purpose of me posting this is because I’m trying to become more sexually open because it’s a part of the human experience and I’ve been afraid of it for so long.
Spnk8 · 36-40, M
Wow im sorry you went through that thats not right and no one should ever be sexually abused. 😕 i hope youre able to get better and enjoy sex how its meant to be with the person you love!:)
SW-User
Have you confronted your cousin at any point about what he did to you?
@SW-User I haven’t seen him since my grandpa passed when I was 15. I have no interest in seeing him. It does scare me that he has a daughter now though. But I don’t really know what to do. My family is already so screwed up and I know it would break my mom if she ever knew.
@SW-User

Familial context:
My grandfathers brother shot and murdered a man for scratching his car.
My uncle is a felon, I know my uncle would do illegal things to him. I don’t want him in prison.
SW-User
@MorbidCynic I can understand that
ViciDraco · 36-40, M
So sorry this was done to you. This kind of abuse usually goes one of two ways. Either they retreat from that aspect of the human experience as you did. It was in essence stolen from them. The other way it often goes is people become abusers themselves in an attempt to feel that they have power. Neither way is good.

I'm glad you are finding a path that is starting to work for you and I wish you great luck in continuing your healing journey
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
I am really sorry this happened to you. It was sexually abused as a kid too so I understand this.

 
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