Bad decisions leave long term effects

I hate all the wrong decisions iv made , it’s led me here. The important thing is I recognize that and I want to do better for my kids at that. I’m glad they are young and I have time to make it up to them. My son is one and I didn’t give him a Christmas yet . My daughter is with her grandma and she is enjoying herself which im happy for . It’s depressing and I just want the holidays to hurry and leave . I don’t remeber a hood Christmas only from my childhood until my parents died and had to learn the hard way of what it was to work hard. Life is not easy but I know a lot of us could make it out and be successful I just know it. I have big plans for the next 5 years that does not include men at all. Even though I would like to be social I just owe my kids so much . I owe them stability and that’s what I need . Even if im truly alone I just hope I can make better decisions