Why have i been and continue to still be ostracized my entire life?

@apersonnamedit The most obvious answer from what I can tell is that you had wildly unwell parents to raise you, and parents have an incredibly large role in a child's development. When they socialized you, they did it wrong, imbuing you with persistent social deficits -- from the way you've talked about things, probably a critically damaged self image above all else. Regardless of what anyone wants to say, people respond to strength and authenticity above all else; if you fail to provide that, people won't show respect for you. This, of course, in combination with "friction reducing" skills, conflict resolution, reading and sending concise signals that others can easily understand -- things that an unbalanced and manipulative parent would not teach you.

Some are able to partway recover, but your life suffers from a lack of stability. You're reliant on people who are volatile and don't care about your well-being. You don't have access to adequate healthcare or even nutrition. If you want to climb a mountain, you need a stable foothold to push yourself up from and you've never had that. Oh yeah, and also transphobia & racism work against you, that's pretty important too.

@BlueVeins my parents are pretty uhhh interesting at times. I remember my dad telling me to beat the hell out of a kid who was bothering me in 1st grade. He gave me permission to deck him. My moms response was stop giving kids a reason to pick on you. If you are picked on for being chubby lose weight. If you are too quiet then talk. Both of them are big into victim blaming.

I wasn't really allowed to go many places either growing up. We werent able to have friends over to play and we rarely were allowed to go hang with anyone. It was mainly school to home. Homework and chores matter most.

I remember being a little kid playing with kids in the neighborhood. We were playing red light green light i think? I was having fun but my mom came to get me because she said she didn't like the way those kids were playing and i wasnt allowed to play with them anymore. Never understood what was meant by that.

@apersonnamedit Yeah, there's your problem.

@YoungPoet345 i try to do that but it still bothers me. I hate knowing that people dont like me

@apersonnamedit you need some good friends

@YoungPoet345 I wish i could make some but everytime i try I'm shut out

@Ducky i just hate knowing im unliked it bothers me

@apersonnamedit I can empathize. I’d be lying if I said it never bothers me. But when it does, I try to lean on those who do like me. Even if I may never understand why they do like me, I’ve learned not to question it too much and just accept that there are those who accept me. Few as they may be, they’re better than no one at all. And maybe how few of them there are is more of a reflection on how shitty people are than it is of you. That’s my two cents, anyway.

@UpForItNow no because i know and understand social cues. I know when im not wanted

@UpForItNow I wonder this about myself personally too. But still don’t know for sure