Ive finally given up on her... Shes been going in and out of my life for as long as I remember....

What do you mean by you love her? I think sometimes we use these words because it's the only way we can describe what we're feeling. You can care for somebody and still do what's best for you, especially if they don't love you back.

However the intensity of your feelings make me believe that you are more obsessed with her than anything to do with love. You needing her to make you happy is a very dependent type behavior but not in a healthy way. Love is able to let somebody go when they no longer want you. You don't seem able to do that.

If she keeps doing this back and forth game with you or expecting you to wait for her while she doesn't wait for you that's emotional abuse. She's not treating you with love and you accepted it just to have her in your life. Why? Do you not value yourself? Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? What do you get from this relationship because it's not love?

Oneofthestormboys · 56-60, M

Don’t despair my friend. You’ve got plenty of time to meet all sorts of other people and undoubtedly there will be unexpected twists and turns. Life has a strange way of balancing the books as we live through it, and I’m sure you’ll come across the right someone. Keep smiling, be a decent person and all will be well 👍🏻

SW-User

I’m sorry I did the same thing a few times myself

BabyLonia · F

I think the clue is in that you have not heard from her in 5 years. She clearly has moved on, it is time you did the same. This is not about anything she has done , just you have been u able to let go.
We cannot guess what she did and did not feel but we can say that you must pick yourself up