Failure.

Pain does make some of us exceptional. That's true. I don't see it in me, but maybe one day I will. If I can get that help. Who knows? Maybe one day.

@Conscience: I read once where it was speaking of pain. It said your friends will be amazed at how much you have grown and you will be surprised

I suppose I don't need to be this hard on myself. It's just upsetting when I know physically I'm able, but mentally not so much. It's easy to attack yourself when you know you're the problem.

I've been in a similar place. It isn't easy to not feel an overwhelming sense of failure (followed by hopelessness, or the fear of feeling it) when you haven't done whatever it is you set out to do.

Someone with a broken leg technically might still be able to walk, but you wouldn't expect them to, not without having their broken bone set and their leg casted first, and a set of crutches (or a wheelchair) to help them get around.
And inanimate objects don't get tired, and they're easy to fix or replace when they break.
But we do get tired, and no one can replace us.
Staying alive and functioning is a hell of a job on it's own, being our own support system is another two ton weight on our back. Feeling like you're too exhausted to move or even breathe is understandable. No one worth listening to would tell you that you should feel bad for having bad days. Bad days are not a failure. They're a fact of life, more so when you are struggling with depression (I've been assuming that is what you're dealing with, please do correct me if I'm wrong). Even so, failure, is acceptable. We miss the mark all the time, but we've lived through every failure so far, we haven't failed so hard that we never got beyond the mental state of a 5 year old. :p

Being hard on people usually doesn't motivate or inspire people to do more for very long. If anything, it inspires resentment.
I'm sure you know you "shouldn't" be so hard on yourself, but knowing isn't quite the same as believing, eh? :p And this jagged pill is a hard sell, and harder yet to swallow.

[b]You deserve compassion as much as anyone else. You're worth the effort and patience it takes to learn self-compassion.
[/b]
I dunno, man. It's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to have a really fucking hard time not mentally beating the shit out of yourself. Hard things are, well, hard to do. ._.

Maybe I'm not "getting" you at all, regardless, hang in there. Take care. ✌️️

That's what I'm counting on. That one day all this will pay off. I don't need much, just someone to fight for that isn't me. Someone who would empathize.

Why must you insult someone who is already having a rough time. And you of all people shouldn't be insulting grammar...

Yeah, I've never used the question feature properly and I don't like the restriction of having to use "I" at the start of stories. I'm also a drop out and didn't do so well in any subject in school so my grammar is self taught. It's bound to have many mistakes I'm sure. I could tell you were joking, but that's just a heads-up.

@WorldAtArms2000: lol, I have been through all that. you will understand when you grow up

@anotherclone: That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid we'll grow older and drift apart before I ever get the chance to tell her (or at least cap that dickhead).

@anotherclone: Honestly, I don't want to understand. I still have hope for us, no matter how much the world tries to pry us apart. Shit, man, I got my life back together because of her. I stopped being a slacker and started learning how to drive because of her. I'm scrounging around the bottom of this abysmal job market just so I can prove to her that I'm a hard working, honest man, the kind of man she can love. I'm a fucking high school drop-out. I was severely autistic during my school years, and my parents took me out for my own safety, and up until now, I was fine with living my life on their couch, but I know I could only repulse her the way I am now.