Failure.

I have moments where I'm weak. Where I know what I have to do to be happier but I just can't. I grow tired of fighting for myself. I'm something I hate. It's a sick joke of life to make me struggle for that. Even now I've never done it for me. I have a strong belief in the principle that value comes to those who bring value to themselves. So I work out. I have a job. I do what I can to be a happier healither person. I do these things in the hope that I can find that valuable someone who would recognize that I'm not entirely worthless. That I've made value. They haven't come and this loneliness can't be endured forever. I was supposed to get up today. I knew I had to. I knew doing that and being productive would have made me happier, but I just couldn't find the effort. Not today. I've failed as I'm not perfect and this is my fault.

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SW-User

maybe this is a phase which will vanish, either way keep trying

WorldAtArms2000 · 22-25, M

Sometimes I think she'll never love me.

SW-User

@WorldAtArms2000: fuck love, life is much more than just stupid love

WorldAtArms2000 · 22-25, M

@anotherclone: Maybe for you. You have a life. You can sleep around, so you never have to know what it feels like. Do you know what it's like to see someone all the goddamn time, someone who you would literally give an arm for without a second thought, someone who has given you more than your own parents just by being there, and who has never taken anything, unlike everyone else in my life, and not being able to tell her how you feel. Have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you couldn't look away, and you had to hold back tears every time you laid eyes on them. Have you ever watched the only person you truly love, the only one who never earned your hate, be used up and thrown aside by some asshole who's name you don't even know, and wanted to crush the life from his wretched body with your bare hands for daring to defile such perfection. Lemme guess, asshole. No, you obviously didn't. So don't be talking shit.

SW-User

@WorldAtArms2000: lol, I have been through all that. you will understand when you grow up

WorldAtArms2000 · 22-25, M

@anotherclone: That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid we'll grow older and drift apart before I ever get the chance to tell her (or at least cap that dickhead).

WorldAtArms2000 · 22-25, M

@anotherclone: Honestly, I don't want to understand. I still have hope for us, no matter how much the world tries to pry us apart. Shit, man, I got my life back together because of her. I stopped being a slacker and started learning how to drive because of her. I'm scrounging around the bottom of this abysmal job market just so I can prove to her that I'm a hard working, honest man, the kind of man she can love. I'm a fucking high school drop-out. I was severely autistic during my school years, and my parents took me out for my own safety, and up until now, I was fine with living my life on their couch, but I know I could only repulse her the way I am now.