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What do you say to someone who has suffered a personal tragedy like the death of a loved one?

I can never think of anything. I'm sorry seems so useless. Sometimes words are not enough or make things worse.
5thApprentice · 31-35, M
Sometimes it's best not even saying anything but just being there for them.
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
When I lost my father at 23, I learned some things that I have always followed. What hurt me is when people would lie to me to make themselves feel better, or ignore my loss because they knew not what to say. Honesty is what I wanted, I appreciated that. I hated it when people would tell me that he was in a better place, that's not the truth, we don't know where we go after we leave here. I liked it when they would say, "I don't know what to say, I don't know how you feel, but I'd like to listen if you'd like to tell me about them." "My sincere condolences on your loss." These things are the truth.
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
@dragonfly46 I'll think about this. Thank you
@DanielChristensen Sadly, I've dealt with a lot of loss. Choose your words carefully, be sincere, be honest.
We like talking about our loved ones, because everyone is afraid to bring them up. That because they died, they are no longer relevent.
Also, be there when everyone goes on with their lives, that's the hardest time.
You're welcome. Let me know if I can be of any further help.
JollyRoger · 70-79, M
@dragonfly46 I agree.... and don't be a stranger to the survivor.... call them after the funeral - take them out to coffee or something..... continue to be the friend to the survivor as you were to their loved one and reminisce with them.... It's SO important that the survivor feels their loved one was important to someone else besides them.
HelpIsNotOnItsWay · 26-30, F
Just hug them
JollyRoger · 70-79, M
Unfortunately I had to write a note to a deceased friend's wife just this morning. The friend died last night 2000 miles away. This is what I wrote; X is my wife's name and Y is the friend.
I'm giving this only because you asked for something you might say. I hope it will give you a bit of insight into what might be written when you can't be there to hug someone and otherwise support them (as is the case with my wife and I at this moment).

Quote:
I'm only writing because I can't imagine you wanting to spend time on a telephone at this time.

X and I are deeply saddened that Y has had to leave you behind as he has transcended into God's care.

Please feel blessed that you had a wonderful husband and that you brought much, much happiness to his life too.

We both have been praying for Y's recovery as have the people in our church here. Prayer is an expression of hope and we all had that. Now we'll turn our thoughts to peace, that Y did all he could to stay with you and love you in person for as long as he could. Now he'll continue that love in the peace of his new life. We trust you'll share that peace in your hearts. Think of him often and smile when you do.

Our thoughts of love and wishes for that peace are on our minds for you all today. Unquote.

I hope this helps.
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
@JollyRoger That's caring but not overdone. Thank you for sharing
SW-User
From a personal experience, other people's presence meant a lot to me. I may want to be alone at times, but i still want to see them around so i could just talk to them and just divert my mind from grief.
I think people use cliches. I don't like them. I have found that being sincere is best. I say that I am here if you need to talk. I am here if you need anything. And I only say this if it is true. I think people should follow-up a bit after the funeral. In the weeks that follow, people disappear and the loved ones that are left are forgotten. That is when they are alone and really need company. And food can help show love too. I also like to share a memory of that loved one or how they effected my life. That is special especially on a card. A hug makes a difference because it is caring. People find it difficult to be comforting when someone dies, but people know you care.
JustNik · 51-55, F
Nobody knows what to say, but I know not saying anything says you don’t care, even when that’s not true. So I just muddle through as best I can. I know I can’t make it better, but at least they’ll know I wish I could.
fun4us2b · M
No, one of my friends lost his Dad and I told him how sorry was and know that loss of a parent is hard etc. and he really appreciated it...people want to be comforted by people they know and like...
SW-User
It’s hard I think the best you can do is just be with them if they don’t want to be alone. Hugs, and I am so sorry for your loss
JerseyGal · 51-55, F
If it's in person, I'll sometimes offer a hug. In text, email, online - I say sending prayers & thoughts.
fallnhope · 36-40, F
Other than I'm sorry, I always let the person know I'm there to listen if/when they want to talk.
Dewkissedrose · 46-50, F
It's hard to think of something. If you knew the person, share a personal story. If not, just offer to be there for your friend. When my dad passed, I much preferred hearing how people knew him, how he touched their lives, and candid stories in comparison to the flat .. I'm sorry.
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
@Dewkissedrose Good point, thanks sugah
SW-User
Say nothing. There's nothing more irritating than listening to someone discussing about death when he hasn't experienced loss at all. 😞
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
@SW-User My friend dying last year was painful, my cats, my dad, but he was estranged, and a nightmare. I have not experienced a truly devastating loss yet though. I never really let anyone close to me
SW-User
@DanielChristensen I cannot fully describe what a devastating loss is. But I have experienced it. In order to fully understand it, you have to live through it.

"To never let anyone close to me," well I guess, that makes two of us. ☺
@SW-User Saying nothing to someone who has suffered a loss might indicate you don't care. Better to say a few words than to remain silent. Many people have lost a loved one so they know it can be uncomfortable and awkward even. Even a handshake with I am sorry for your loss is better than nothing.
SW-User
Sometimes not saying anything but just being in their presence helps. They may depend on your shoulders to cry on. Your ears to tell how they feel, or stories about what they experienced.
Sometimes saying I'm sorry or my condolences is not enough. Being by that person's side means more.
SW-User
sorry for your loss.
SW-User
Nothing, just time will soften it a bit...
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
@SW-User Sometimes that's all there is
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
Hmm i dont, theres nothing to be said besides its sad and thats already well understood.

 
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