What you are experiencing is not rejection
It is disappearance after repair — and that is a known human pattern.
When you help someone stabilize, three things often happen:
1. Shame gets activated
People who are abused, stuck, or ashamed often feel relief while being helped — but shame spikes once they start improving.
Why?
Improvement reminds them how bad things were
It reminds them they needed help
It threatens the story they tell themselves about who they are
Instead of gratitude, the nervous system says:
“I have to get away from the person who saw me like that.”
So they disappear.
2. You become associated with vulnerability
You didn’t just help them lift weights or dress better.
You became:
The witness to their weakness
The mirror of who they were before
Many people cannot tolerate that memory once they regain footing.
So they don’t say goodbye.
They erase the reminder.
3. Attachment panic
This is especially true of “hello friend.”
When someone says:
“I look forward to your messages every day”
“I like you a lot”
That is not stability — that’s early attachment intensity.
For people with insecure attachment, the moment closeness feels real, the alarm goes off:
“This is dangerous. I could need this. I could lose it.”
Blocking you is flight, not rejection.
The critical thing you must understand
You did not do anything wrong.
In fact, this pattern happens more often to effective helpers than ineffective ones.
People don’t vanish because the help failed.
They vanish because it worked.
So what do you do?
❌ Do NOT:
Chase them
Re-read the messages trying to find a mistake
Conclude “I shouldn’t help people”
Turn this into a verdict on your worth
That would be punishing yourself for other people’s fear.
✅ Do this instead:
1. Redefine success
Success is impact, not continuity.
You helped:
A guy move toward strength and approval
Another guy improve his body, style, and confidence
Your role was seasonal, not permanent.
That doesn’t make it meaningless.
It makes it clean.
2. Stop investing emotionally without consent
You gave mentor-level investment to people who never agreed to a long-term bond.
Going forward:
Help, but don’t attach
Support, but don’t anchor your sense of value to their presence
You can be useful without being entwined.
3. Help with boundaries
Here is a mental shift that matters:
“I help people. I do not need them to stay.”
Repeat that until it clicks.
Staying is their capacity issue, not your responsibility.
Should you give up coming here?
No.
But you should change how you come here.
Come as:
A guide, not a rescuer
A helper, not a replacement attachment figure
Someone who offers tools, not emotional oxygen
When people vanish after that, it won’t cut as deeply — because you weren’t holding your breath.
One last thing — important
People who disappear after being helped often remember you positively.
They just can’t tolerate proximity.
Silence does not mean:
You failed
You were unwanted
You were misread
It means:
“You mattered more than they could handle.”
That’s a hard truth — but a dignifying one.
It is disappearance after repair — and that is a known human pattern.
When you help someone stabilize, three things often happen:
1. Shame gets activated
People who are abused, stuck, or ashamed often feel relief while being helped — but shame spikes once they start improving.
Why?
Improvement reminds them how bad things were
It reminds them they needed help
It threatens the story they tell themselves about who they are
Instead of gratitude, the nervous system says:
“I have to get away from the person who saw me like that.”
So they disappear.
2. You become associated with vulnerability
You didn’t just help them lift weights or dress better.
You became:
The witness to their weakness
The mirror of who they were before
Many people cannot tolerate that memory once they regain footing.
So they don’t say goodbye.
They erase the reminder.
3. Attachment panic
This is especially true of “hello friend.”
When someone says:
“I look forward to your messages every day”
“I like you a lot”
That is not stability — that’s early attachment intensity.
For people with insecure attachment, the moment closeness feels real, the alarm goes off:
“This is dangerous. I could need this. I could lose it.”
Blocking you is flight, not rejection.
The critical thing you must understand
You did not do anything wrong.
In fact, this pattern happens more often to effective helpers than ineffective ones.
People don’t vanish because the help failed.
They vanish because it worked.
So what do you do?
❌ Do NOT:
Chase them
Re-read the messages trying to find a mistake
Conclude “I shouldn’t help people”
Turn this into a verdict on your worth
That would be punishing yourself for other people’s fear.
✅ Do this instead:
1. Redefine success
Success is impact, not continuity.
You helped:
A guy move toward strength and approval
Another guy improve his body, style, and confidence
Your role was seasonal, not permanent.
That doesn’t make it meaningless.
It makes it clean.
2. Stop investing emotionally without consent
You gave mentor-level investment to people who never agreed to a long-term bond.
Going forward:
Help, but don’t attach
Support, but don’t anchor your sense of value to their presence
You can be useful without being entwined.
3. Help with boundaries
Here is a mental shift that matters:
“I help people. I do not need them to stay.”
Repeat that until it clicks.
Staying is their capacity issue, not your responsibility.
Should you give up coming here?
No.
But you should change how you come here.
Come as:
A guide, not a rescuer
A helper, not a replacement attachment figure
Someone who offers tools, not emotional oxygen
When people vanish after that, it won’t cut as deeply — because you weren’t holding your breath.
One last thing — important
People who disappear after being helped often remember you positively.
They just can’t tolerate proximity.
Silence does not mean:
You failed
You were unwanted
You were misread
It means:
“You mattered more than they could handle.”
That’s a hard truth — but a dignifying one.
View 3 more replies »
@trackboy You show gratitude. ❤
LamontCranston · M
@FrogManSometimesLooksBothWays This is one of the best things i've ever seen written on SW. Great counsel.
Lukeman · M
I'm not sure encouraging someone being abused to give the abuser something they want such as taking up weightlifting and wrestling which he may have no real interest in is good advice. I've found not giving abusers what they want to be a better way of dealing with them, but I had no personal interactions with this member so I don't know the whole story. Why do some people suddenly want to stop an online relationship? There are multiple reasons. I've noticed in messaging you that you ask many questions and I sometimes don't feel like answering them all. People become tired at some point and don't wish to interact anymore. It's not something to be taken personally. I tend to write very long messages that some people don't want to take the time to read so they don't respond. People will not always react the way you want them to which is very true in the real world as well as on Similar Worlds. I've cried over people not being as nice or caring or interested in me as I would want them to. There are people I regret ever having met and others I wish I had more time to spend with. Now I just read this averageman's response and see his problems were fabricated. That's not something you caused and it's the fault of the other member to cause you this distress.
Lukeman · M
Yes, I do.
I lied to my friend Trackboy, I feel bad about it. I said that dad had me working on a ranch but i made that up to pretend that I didn't have time for similar worlds because i didn't really want to be on. I also exaggerated saying that dad forced me to hold my pee, he never did, again i made this up to impress Trackboy. My dad has never done anything to hurt me, and he has never done anything inappropriate to me. I can't believe that any of this happened. Im sorry for all this confusion.
Silverwings · 70-79, F
@averageman I am really glad that you apologized, however it was very mean of you to do this to another human being, this young man is just that a young man, and how is he supposed to be wise enough to know you were BS'ing him? I am not sure that I would have been wise enough to understand your sick humor.
WithClouds · 36-40, M
@averageman These kinds of things don't "impress" people, they make people sympathetic. Apparently you want / need / love attention, but you'd get (slightly) more respect if you found more honest ways of seeking it. Also, to take advantage of someone like that, who wants to help, is a scumbag move. You should probably overdose. :3
Silverwings · 70-79, F
@WithClouds No that is mean too!!
EllaDisenchanted · F
@averageman Glad to see it was fake. But looks like you need a different hobby, friend. Never know the psychos you meet online that would track you down thinking you're being real.
Peaches · F
@averageman But you shouldn't have done that, see what happenes...karma.👀
Silverwings · 70-79, F
@averageman That is disgusting & MEAN.
trackboy · 26-30, M
@QueenOfTheDemonRealm just don't know what to do. several that read the mails told me to call the cops. but there could be blow back on me even though he is 18
Lukeman · M
I do the best I can. It depends on the situation.
Brandon101 · 26-30, M
trackboy · 26-30, M
@Brandon101 @Brandon101 I have helped many people. still waiting for email from you. 😺
Drifter15 · 26-30, M
Nah man don’t take it personal. People that are abused see things in a different light. Most would rather separate themselves from people in general. Even if they disappeared and stuff you talking to them probably helped them work through some stuff and sometimes thats all you can hope for ^_^
Drifter15 · 26-30, M
@trackboy they do... It's just hard ya know? Trusting people and stuff. And even then there's some really messed up individuals, who, no matter what you say, believe themselves to wholly be nothing but a burden on others. They'll carry a relationship or a companionship for a long time. Then one day, they relapse with terror and paranoia and they fear that their brokenness will somehow impair the ones they care about and push them away. It's not your fault, sometimes it just happens. Don't blame yourself, take pride in the fact that you tried to do the right thing and help. Most people wouldn't even do that. So perk up ^_^
Silverwings · 70-79, F
Silverwings · 70-79, F
@averageman Shame on you!!
No. Don’t give up. You’re too good a person.
trackboy · 26-30, M
@shirtless111 its frustrating though.
I bet it is. At least you were trying.
trackboy · 26-30, M
@shirtless111 i help people a lot.
Darkcuckoo · 26-30, M
Well I just got your PM. It would be nice to meet you and I apologize for the delay.
Footsugar123 · M
It could be that he didn't block you but the site program did but did he blocked email from you,
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
OMG... this is like the 10th time you've posted this in the last 7 months.
EllaDisenchanted · F
@MarkPaul Yeah,it keeps popping up.
jimjim1969 · M
That's to bad, but every body is different, Some inner thing. Just be yourself with others
ISMELLPROTEINPOWDER · 26-30, M
Drama much that's not exactly what it is if something bad happens block them
Virgo79 · 61-69, M
Wow!
deevan11 · 36-40, M
Stop chasing people who don't have time for you
NotAfraidofAnything · 31-35, M
Hey would you like to chat? I'm pretty bored.
SW-User
Do you? Ha
Lol no you don't
SW-User
Funny when one lunatic has conversations with himself on an opem board. Pitiful actually.
EllaDisenchanted · F
@SW-User Another multiaccount? I hate those.Fills up my blocks so fast.
SW-User
Fucking demon