I Am Working On Myself

Feeling a little ‘mind blown’ right now. Just got done reading an interesting article that popped up on my newsfeed. It talked about how a good way to gauge potential abusive partners is by how they react to the first times you disagree with them, and it occurs to me that my agreeable nature has actually been part of the delay in sniffing out shitty partners. Long periods can go by smoothly.. just happy days until finally something matters enough to me I disagree, then when their head spins 360 I’m in shock.. almost a disbelief, and struggle to come to terms with the sudden change in them.

Wow..
I’m not the sort of person to agree to things I don’t want to do, but it never occurred to me that my 85% laid-back nature could actually be part of the problem in my past mate selection/filtering.

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VioletRayne · 36-40, F

If that’s true it’s prolly my problem too. And that I’m super giving naturally😒

SW-User

@VioletRayne i’m right there with you. I’ve given a lot of introspection to excessive levels of compassion and giving on my part over the years, so I’ve done a lot of inner work on drawing healthy boundaries etc.

it just never occurred to me that being chill about most things could also be getting me into trouble before the roller coaster even starts haha

VioletRayne · 36-40, F

@SW-User yeah I know it’s really hard

Notmesam

Stop dating toddlers

SW-User

@Notmesam Narcissists might be closer to the truth 😂 but, yes

DistractedKate101 · 31-35, F

@LifeInProgress
Great insight!! So how do plan to create more of a balance...you know between being nice and being a shit kicker? What kind of dude are you looking for that is inherently secure, laughs at his foibles and understands that we are all a work in progress?

SW-User

@DistractedKate101 it may be an issue that is naturally resolving itself as a side effect because I have a far more solid sense of who I am, what I want to be doing, what I’m working on etc. than I did in the past. For very long time it was kind of “whatever is clever” because I was just going with the flow of everything if it seemed interesting

DistractedKate101 · 31-35, F

@SW-User Yep, it always returns to who we really are at the core. Like homing pigeons who return to the center.... to the person who feeds and cares for 'em, and where their mates are. Sometimes it takes a little getting lost along the way and a few dings from the hunters to appreciate that.

Goralski · 56-60, M

That or you just pick losers

SW-User

@Goralski lmao. Not by outsider standards initially. They’ve always been intelligent, charming, passionate, ambitious in their way blah blah blah but yes, ultimately they turned out to have huge social and emotional intelligence deficits, and if I had loved myself better I should’ve jumped the ships way sooner lol..

Goralski · 56-60, M

@SW-User live and learn

Jesse1239 · 31-35, M

Yes. You're a nut.

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