I am amazed at the seeming magnetic attraction. I have seen this in action with a neighbor abused most of her life and how scuzz zero in on her... even vendor/contractors hired for an odd job.
On one occasion I had to physically stand on her porch doing an impersonation of a "battleship" when a guy came back sniffing around... Weirdest dynamic.
As she has gained more self and normality, they seem less drawn to her. Just really weird sick energy on their parts...
I don;t know. Some things I just can't understand about people. For example, I once knew a woman who walked home from work late at night by crossing a vacant lot. One night she was attacked and raped in that lot...BUT she kept walking across it late at night and was attacked and raped there a second time a few months later. Why did she keep going back through that lot? I don't know.
@ChipmunkErnie It’s more complex than it looks from the outside.. Survivors sometimes try to reclaim control by “proving” to themselves that the world isn’t as dangerous as it felt in the moment of the trauma. It's not necessarily a conscious choice, but more of a coping mechanism. We might take the same path again, trust someone quickly, or return to a triggering place, not out of carelessness, but out of a deep need to feel normal again..
In psychology, this is sometimes linked to "reenactment" or attempts to heal the trauma, trying to re-enter the situation under the hope that this time, things will end differently. It can be a way to restore a sense of power or autonomy that was taken away, specially after rape..
So while it might seem confusing from the outside, these choices are often about survival, not logic. Instead of asking "Why did she go back?", we should be asking why being a woman walking alone is seen as reckless in the first place - or why women are being blamed for a mans action to rape her.
@Cassieeeee I figured it was complicated, and the concept of taking back control did immediately come to mind. On the other hand, simple safety issues also came to mind. I could conceive of various reasons behind her action, but it's still a bit hard to conceive in many ways.
As to why "a woman walking along is seen as reckless in the first place" -- ideally it wouldn't be, but in the real world it is. Predators of all kinds exist, dangerous situations of all kinds exist, and to pretend this is some kind of ideal world where they don't is just to deny the reality of existence. :( As a teen I was mugged by two guys, one of whom held a knife to my throat, and I sure as hell would try to avoid putting myself into that position again which was caused by my own naivety.
@ChipmunkErnie True, but at the same time, nobody expects to get raped or attacked. Who's to say that taking a different route home would have been any safer than the one she took through the lot? I know that when I worked nights, I often walked home alone (even after being followed a few times) because I had to get home. I couldn’t afford a taxi every day, and I couldn’t stop working. So even though it was scary experiences, I couldn’t let that stop me from going outside alone.
Also, a lot of the things we do when it comes to recovering from trauma have no reasonable explanation. Much of it is subconscious - just trying to move on and continue living.
I’ve spent probably a decade blaming myself in every way possible for everything I’ve gone through (especially with men). But at the end of the day, I never asked for any of it to happen. I didn’t walk around with a big sign saying “please prey on me.” I was simply trying to live my life, and while doing so, I met the wrong people. I could've stayed home, I could've stopped living, that doesn't change the fact that It’s still their fault for deciding to harm me (and staying home don't always = safety).
Just like you didn't do anything to get robbed, they decided to rob you with a knife.
Because they’re evil and know exactly what they’re looking for and deliberately target certain people with no regard for the damage their actions may cause.
