Again and again

I did it again. Surprise surprise. I pushed everyone away from me again. I keep rejecting everyone who tries to get close to me. Its been exactly a minth since i started shutting everyone out. Since i started ignoring my friends, my surroundings, my body. Since i started hurting myself again. It's so dumb how no matter how violent i feel and how much i need to let it out, i just end up pushing it down and shutting myself out. I dont even tend to my problems, i just ignore them and hope i wont wake up the next morning.