Coming out

To come out, as your true authentic expression in the world, is more challenging than I could imagine.
It feels like, the ideas within my head, of what is expected, are so stiff and creating a whole self that isn't ME.
I posted a picture in my social media. A picture where I'm feeling the shift in me. I know I am shifting, I experience it. And I get the comments of my previous support system of friends and elders. And I feel trapped again there. As if they're perpetuating the past.

It's so hard to let loose, especially of those. I can understand they come from a place of compassion.
But I don't want compassion anymore, I don't want to be supported anymore, I want to be loved and this means, to be heard, and this requires from me, to finally become able to speak.

I want to come out in my fullness, in all of my craziness and authenticity, I've been shrinking, people pleasing and silent for so long.

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AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

Bust out lady!

You're gonna lose people. Even good people. But if you want authenticity, it's going to take shedding off the layers you wrapped yourself in to shrink and minimize those beautiful wings.

Because yeah, people don't understand your glory. It frightens them. Especially since you don't seek it [i]to[/i] conform.

I may be wrong, but I feel like you're already close/there. I hear it in your words and thoughts. You've already done so much work. An unbelievable amount. You amaze me. Truly.

Personally I know I'm so close/there, but I'm not in the right place. It feels like I have to peel every layer back and face a new life painfully raw. I'm getting there though 🙂 And I have zero doubts in you. Your journey is leading you and you're leading the journey. Synergizing with yourself.

elafina · 36-40, F

@AlchemyFox thank you so much for this message, I really feel like you're standing by me.
I believe in you too, and is as you say. We're there. We just need to land and settle.
Continue to being brave and breaking out of the self...

Lostpoet · M

The three stages of self realization and you never even had to google it you came to the answer on your own.

What are the 3 stages of self Realization?
The first stage is a thirst for self-realization. The second stage is doing something about it. The third stage is self-recognition, which is instantaneous.

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elafina · 36-40, F

@Lostpoet I recognise what you say. When things are set and done, change is instantaneous. I've experienced it a few times. But it comes with some oscillation, maybe.
One needs to be persistent at this point.

Lostpoet · M

@elafina I think that whatever you are doing you are going in the right direction.

elafina · 36-40, F

@Lostpoet thank you for your message.. right now there's no other direction but this one. I'm finding joy within the situations..

WillaKissing · 56-60

Oh, how I feel your angst though I may not know your experiences or what you wished to come out as other than "craziness and authenticity" which my friends and family already know me as, and I support and wish you the best of luck with it. I can tell you it is very self-rewarding once you do.

What I would love to come out as on social media to my friends and family is as the Heterosexual cross dresser that I am, but that I cannot and will not do for the sheer loss of friends and family that would not support me if I did.

So, I feel/share your angst! 🤗

elafina · 36-40, F

@WillaKissing isn't not so much angst as an overflowing energy that has to pour out...

WillaKissing · 56-60

@elafina I was not sure from your post message, but I understand what you meant now!

Let it flow and love being who you are meant to be!

elafina · 36-40, F

@WillaKissing and you, walk towards your truth. They ought to love you for your wholeness...

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

I think many, perhaps most, people have just this problem but don't realize it. They just think it is the way of the world and don't push against the barriers.

elafina · 36-40, F

@ninalanyon yes exactly that... Trying to feel into it, each has their own timing.
But people need to learn to let go. I get from old friends a message like "oh no we're going to loose her..."
Oh no, you're truly going to loose me only if you try to keep me in the frame that you got to know me.
We need to learn to let others be more free and change.
We do this to each other and it's so hard to not do it because familiarity and comfort is all that we've got and we want to hold onto it dearly..

Roundandroundwego · 61-69

You roll with the changes.

elafina · 36-40, F

@Roundandroundwego that's a nice affirmation actually...:)

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

I read this, look at another site and find this!

You have it, use it and celebrate you!

elafina · 36-40, F

@SageWanderer thank you 🙏🏼

Lilnonames · F

As for me I just move ahead,as I can let anything or any one go.ill help them but like me they must help themselves,love is great and friends are too but sometimes you must let them go and love yourself more to move ahead

elafina · 36-40, F

@Lilnonames I'm with you there Lil
❤️

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