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Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
@Iwillwait I can only imagine how it must feel on your end. I've been on the other end and had been granting blind forgiveness for years until I had kids and when they became the age that I can totally remember being based on my birthdays and they still really wanted a lot of my time, it was a bit overwhelming so I tried to think about how my dad handled it and then I remembered that I was scared shitless of him at that age and I never wanted to be around him from as far back as I can remember. My whole life, I thought it was natural, never understanding the bond a parent is supposed to have with their child that's also supposed to be natural. When I realized my dad was never remorseful, it only got worse and he never acknowledged it, I revoked my forgiveness and I haven't spoken to him since. My kids are men now. I know I haven't been perfect but I make amends when I feel I need to and I try to understand their gripes when I know in my heart that I've done nothing wrong.
In your case, maybe they need proof or more proof or something or reinforcement of proof. You know saying sorry and being sorry aren't necessarily the same thing. I hope you get the chance you deserve to prove to them that you're truly sorry. Sometimes it takes the other person to make the same mistake to realize how easy it is to make that mistake. I don't know if that helps
In your case, maybe they need proof or more proof or something or reinforcement of proof. You know saying sorry and being sorry aren't necessarily the same thing. I hope you get the chance you deserve to prove to them that you're truly sorry. Sometimes it takes the other person to make the same mistake to realize how easy it is to make that mistake. I don't know if that helps
Iwillwait · M
@Jayciedubb My transgression happened with a lover who antagonized me/mocked me and I reacted poorly, unbeknownst to them that I would react that way (to my knowledge) where I was woke up getting beer sprinkled and poured on me.
I never forgive myself either to this event.
It's quite despicable of me, really. I was very young and as I mentioned, passed out/blacked out drunk, and never in a million years do I expect to be forgiven. I have asked for something I never could or would allow myself to feel anyways.
I never forgive myself either to this event.
It's quite despicable of me, really. I was very young and as I mentioned, passed out/blacked out drunk, and never in a million years do I expect to be forgiven. I have asked for something I never could or would allow myself to feel anyways.
Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
@Iwillwait I've been with a couple women like that. I was able to keep a level head, but I wasn't drunk, and it was extremely difficult. ..like when you go one stroke to far and teeter over the edge and fight like your life depends on it trying not to blow your load.. ..but in a negative way that I imagine still leads extreme satisfaction.
One case in particular has me feeling like i really should've given her the black eye she was begging for. I still feel punked over some of the shit she did to me. ..similiar to the things you described.
She was a total havoc junkie. Nothing in her world could have any sense of order or integrity. Hahaha. I just remembered the time we were driving down the cost. We were fighting because I told her to pour her beer into one of the travel mugs i had bought so she could drink beer in my truck as i drove. She got on me about being such a pussy for not drinking outright and for living in fear and whatever else she could say to try to own me. Then i reminded her how she insists that i pour my beer into a glass when i drink at her place. That only made her worse and she kept lifting her bottle and holding it in view of anyone who might look.
When I had the opportunity (we were going down highway 1, so there were a lot of opportunities to do much more than just drive), I told her I wanted a sip of her beer. When she gave me the bottle, I tossed it out the window.. she got over it pretty quick. Her next move was to check her eye makeup in the visor mirror. She pulls down the visor and starts flicking her lighter and once it's lit she starts raising it towards the ceiling of my truck pretending she needed the light to check her eyes when the visor has a light built into it. She couldn't stand that my truck wasn't beat up and neglected like her car is so she thought she would torch my headliner. Instead, I introduced her to momentum and inertia when I brake checked her into the windshield lol oh yeah, she also wouldn't wear her seatbelt.
The only thing that saved her from an ass kicking from me was that I've never done it and she knew it was out of respect for my mother after what my dad used to do to all of us. I wasn't going to let her take that away from me. In your case, I get it, and I'm wondering if what you did wasn't more of a public service than a case of domestic abuse
One case in particular has me feeling like i really should've given her the black eye she was begging for. I still feel punked over some of the shit she did to me. ..similiar to the things you described.
She was a total havoc junkie. Nothing in her world could have any sense of order or integrity. Hahaha. I just remembered the time we were driving down the cost. We were fighting because I told her to pour her beer into one of the travel mugs i had bought so she could drink beer in my truck as i drove. She got on me about being such a pussy for not drinking outright and for living in fear and whatever else she could say to try to own me. Then i reminded her how she insists that i pour my beer into a glass when i drink at her place. That only made her worse and she kept lifting her bottle and holding it in view of anyone who might look.
When I had the opportunity (we were going down highway 1, so there were a lot of opportunities to do much more than just drive), I told her I wanted a sip of her beer. When she gave me the bottle, I tossed it out the window.. she got over it pretty quick. Her next move was to check her eye makeup in the visor mirror. She pulls down the visor and starts flicking her lighter and once it's lit she starts raising it towards the ceiling of my truck pretending she needed the light to check her eyes when the visor has a light built into it. She couldn't stand that my truck wasn't beat up and neglected like her car is so she thought she would torch my headliner. Instead, I introduced her to momentum and inertia when I brake checked her into the windshield lol oh yeah, she also wouldn't wear her seatbelt.
The only thing that saved her from an ass kicking from me was that I've never done it and she knew it was out of respect for my mother after what my dad used to do to all of us. I wasn't going to let her take that away from me. In your case, I get it, and I'm wondering if what you did wasn't more of a public service than a case of domestic abuse
MellyMel22 · F
peterlee · M
Giving up the piano too early, when I failed an exam.
Not reading the cues when others reach out to you. That can improve when you are aware of it.
Let others sway you when making a decision. They are not there to take the consequences. Be your own person. Be balanced when seeking advice.
Not reading the cues when others reach out to you. That can improve when you are aware of it.
Let others sway you when making a decision. They are not there to take the consequences. Be your own person. Be balanced when seeking advice.
Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
I've done some regrettable things for sure, but like you, no consequences ever came to pass. Do I sometimes cringe when I think about the possible consequences? Hell yea, but there's still nothing to regret.
The things I really and sometimes painfully regret are the things I didn't do when I had the chance.
Some of the things that make me cringe are all similar to yours. There was the time I drove home from South San Jose to Oakland (about 60 miles/96 km) belligerently double vision drunk on tequila after brawling with my friends who were in the same condition. I was aware of the consequences so I took precautions. I closed one eye cuz I had to in order to see straight and I set my cruise control for 55 mph. Yes that's how long ago it was. The speed limit was still 55 mph. The whole time scheming about my revenge LOL of course we all forgave and forgot within the month.
Then there was a time I was half drunk off about six or seven beers and racing my friend from the bar to the union hall for a meeting. I had him beat but then he didn't illegal pass on me, which caused me to break traction at the stop sign that I didn't stop at to pass him in the same illegal fashion across the double yellow. When I looked in my rearview mirror to see his expression, imagine my surprise went instead I saw the blue and red lights of the police car that was chasing me down. My first thought was to outrun him, but I came to my senses within a couple blocks and pulled over right in front of the hall and watch my friend drive by with a look of sorrow and horror on his face. We both thought I was about to lose everything. The cop had been following us since he did his illegal pass on me and I didn't notice but what I did was way worse than what he did so the cop just forgot about him and focused on me which was good for my friend because he would have gone down for sure. The cop asked me for my license and registration which I was in the middle of sorting out when he walked up. Then he walked back to check my plate which is a personalized veterans plate with my rank on it. He came back and give me a verbal warning shook his finger and told me to knock it off and be safe. I thanked him and went on my way. When I got into the meeting, my friend already had a small gathering of a few of our mutual friends, telling them about all the beer we just drank in about how I'm going down. I tapped him on his shoulder and when he turned around and saw me it was like he saw a ghost. It was hilarious. When I think about it, I think me outrageously breaking all those traffic laws is what saved us both because originally the cop was going to pull us both over for speeding and him for the illegal pass. And I think if he would have pulled us both over he might not have given me a break because he would have had for sure taking my friend in. He had no registration, no license (because of DUIs), no insurance, and the back of his truck was full of empty beer cans. I don't think the cop ever noticed that I had been drinking, but he would have noticed then for sure.
This next one still gives me nightmares. I drove home from a rave in San Francisco to Oakland, Frying on a puddle of liquid acid. I remember I stopped on Treasure Island for a breather and I don't know if I was there for an hour or a minute but I know it was still dark when I left and still dark when I got home My nightmares are about me driving and getting sidetracked doing something else, and forgetting that I'm still driving. I didn't mean to do so much acid that night. But it was dark and my buddy was Dripping it into my hand out of a Visine bottle . Neither of us could see how much he had dropped into my palm. When I put my Palms in my mouth that's when the light caught the puddle, and it was a puddle, but by the time that all registered, it was already down the hatch. I have never fried so hard and I've never fried since.
The things I really and sometimes painfully regret are the things I didn't do when I had the chance.
Some of the things that make me cringe are all similar to yours. There was the time I drove home from South San Jose to Oakland (about 60 miles/96 km) belligerently double vision drunk on tequila after brawling with my friends who were in the same condition. I was aware of the consequences so I took precautions. I closed one eye cuz I had to in order to see straight and I set my cruise control for 55 mph. Yes that's how long ago it was. The speed limit was still 55 mph. The whole time scheming about my revenge LOL of course we all forgave and forgot within the month.
Then there was a time I was half drunk off about six or seven beers and racing my friend from the bar to the union hall for a meeting. I had him beat but then he didn't illegal pass on me, which caused me to break traction at the stop sign that I didn't stop at to pass him in the same illegal fashion across the double yellow. When I looked in my rearview mirror to see his expression, imagine my surprise went instead I saw the blue and red lights of the police car that was chasing me down. My first thought was to outrun him, but I came to my senses within a couple blocks and pulled over right in front of the hall and watch my friend drive by with a look of sorrow and horror on his face. We both thought I was about to lose everything. The cop had been following us since he did his illegal pass on me and I didn't notice but what I did was way worse than what he did so the cop just forgot about him and focused on me which was good for my friend because he would have gone down for sure. The cop asked me for my license and registration which I was in the middle of sorting out when he walked up. Then he walked back to check my plate which is a personalized veterans plate with my rank on it. He came back and give me a verbal warning shook his finger and told me to knock it off and be safe. I thanked him and went on my way. When I got into the meeting, my friend already had a small gathering of a few of our mutual friends, telling them about all the beer we just drank in about how I'm going down. I tapped him on his shoulder and when he turned around and saw me it was like he saw a ghost. It was hilarious. When I think about it, I think me outrageously breaking all those traffic laws is what saved us both because originally the cop was going to pull us both over for speeding and him for the illegal pass. And I think if he would have pulled us both over he might not have given me a break because he would have had for sure taking my friend in. He had no registration, no license (because of DUIs), no insurance, and the back of his truck was full of empty beer cans. I don't think the cop ever noticed that I had been drinking, but he would have noticed then for sure.
This next one still gives me nightmares. I drove home from a rave in San Francisco to Oakland, Frying on a puddle of liquid acid. I remember I stopped on Treasure Island for a breather and I don't know if I was there for an hour or a minute but I know it was still dark when I left and still dark when I got home My nightmares are about me driving and getting sidetracked doing something else, and forgetting that I'm still driving. I didn't mean to do so much acid that night. But it was dark and my buddy was Dripping it into my hand out of a Visine bottle . Neither of us could see how much he had dropped into my palm. When I put my Palms in my mouth that's when the light caught the puddle, and it was a puddle, but by the time that all registered, it was already down the hatch. I have never fried so hard and I've never fried since.
4meAndyou · F
I met the ex when I was in college, and one night we raced each other in our cars all through South Boston. I was not familiar with the area, or the streets, and I don't know WHY I decided to pull up and turn sharply when I did. If I had kept going to win the race, I would have driven off the side of the pier into the harbor. I think my guardian angel must have whispered in my ear.
Battling my inner demons so hard - alone.
I wonder if I would be as suicidal as I was/am if I'd had help back then.
I wonder if I would be as suicidal as I was/am if I'd had help back then.
